I think that one of the most daunting things about this whole, growing a human-being thing, is that I will eventually, (not yet, because I am a chicken shit and am only 11 weeks after all) have to tell people that it is happening. I have told a few friends and some family and they have all been very supportive (some, ecstatic and have already started the buying of the baby things) but I am not looking forward to telling everyone else. I have a fair amount of anxiety about doing this for several reasons.
1. I am a very private person and have a general distaste for most people. This sounds cold, but I have my close friends and family and I love them, but do I want everyone else touching my belly? No. The idea of having to waddle around my office (full of 23 ladies) and talk constantly about diaper genies, makes me want to stick my head in an oven. There are a couple of people in my office, in particular, that I would like to avoid talking to about my pregnancy. One of whom is a 31-year-old Mormon who has, by her own admission, never kissed a guy and talks to everyone as though we are heathens and, therefore inferior. (I have nothing against Mormons. I have a lot against really nosy, know-it-all people who are in my business all the time and will inevitably make a huge deal about how I am very vocal about not wanting kids in the first place and GASP! I am not MARRIED! Whatever. Besides, I have someone who liked me enough to get me pregnant, who’s inferior NOW? Huh?) I wish there were some way I could turn the baby bump off when I am around people whom I will potentially want to choke. If any of you ladies knows how to do this, please hit me up. I am getting desperate.
2. I am not a “kid person”. This is not a secret. I don’t understand people who, as soon as they get pregnant and/or have a baby, instantly forget how to be an actual person. It is like the baby has snatched any ounce of personality and likeability they have ever posessed and they become a walking, talking baby-obsessed freak. I am not afraid I will become that person, but I am worried that people will expect me to. Gross. (I understand that having a baby is a big deal and I don’t take it lightly, but I would like to, at least sometimes, give the illusion that I can still have an adult conversation that has nothing to do with the price of formula.)
3. I would like to avoid people, other than the child, calling me ‘mama’. For some reason, the instant you start showing, ‘mama’ becomes your name. Old ladies will call you ‘mama’. I am not above choking old ladies. Just sayin’.
I am sure that, if I thought about it more, I could come up with about 3 billion more things that will inevitably annoy the bejesus out of me once everyone knows my little secret, but I will stop here and just be glad in the fact that, currently, my secret is still just that. My tummy, however a little bigger and more annoying, is still just a tummy from what everyone else can see.