I think that one of the most daunting things about this whole, growing a human-being thing, is that I will eventually, (not yet, because I am a chicken shit and am only 11 weeks after all) have to tell people that it is happening. I have told a few friends and some family and they have all been very supportive (some, ecstatic and have already started the buying of the baby things) but I am not looking forward to telling everyone else. I have a fair amount of anxiety about doing this for several reasons.
1. I am a very private person and have a general distaste for most people. This sounds cold, but I have my close friends and family and I love them, but do I want everyone else touching my belly? No. The idea of having to waddle around my office (full of 23 ladies) and talk constantly about diaper genies, makes me want to stick my head in an oven. There are a couple of people in my office, in particular, that I would like to avoid talking to about my pregnancy. One of whom is a 31-year-old Mormon who has, by her own admission, never kissed a guy and talks to everyone as though we are heathens and, therefore inferior. (I have nothing against Mormons. I have a lot against really nosy, know-it-all people who are in my business all the time and will inevitably make a huge deal about how I am very vocal about not wanting kids in the first place and GASP! I am not MARRIED! Whatever. Besides, I have someone who liked me enough to get me pregnant, who’s inferior NOW? Huh?) I wish there were some way I could turn the baby bump off when I am around people whom I will potentially want to choke. If any of you ladies knows how to do this, please hit me up. I am getting desperate.
2. I am not a “kid person”. This is not a secret. I don’t understand people who, as soon as they get pregnant and/or have a baby, instantly forget how to be an actual person. It is like the baby has snatched any ounce of personality and likeability they have ever posessed and they become a walking, talking baby-obsessed freak. I am not afraid I will become that person, but I am worried that people will expect me to. Gross. (I understand that having a baby is a big deal and I don’t take it lightly, but I would like to, at least sometimes, give the illusion that I can still have an adult conversation that has nothing to do with the price of formula.)
3. I would like to avoid people, other than the child, calling me ‘mama’. For some reason, the instant you start showing, ‘mama’ becomes your name. Old ladies will call you ‘mama’. I am not above choking old ladies. Just sayin’.
I am sure that, if I thought about it more, I could come up with about 3 billion more things that will inevitably annoy the bejesus out of me once everyone knows my little secret, but I will stop here and just be glad in the fact that, currently, my secret is still just that. My tummy, however a little bigger and more annoying, is still just a tummy from what everyone else can see.
Broken Condoms 
If you figure out how to keep strangers from touching your belly please share, I’m dreading that part. I’m not a touchy feely person and my friends know that, but stangers, *shudder*, ugg.
I will keep you posted! But if all else fails, a wise man once said,” if you knock more people’s heads off, the more people behave.”
Ugh, the “mama” thing. And the sad thing is, I have caught myself calling my fellow preggos by this decidedly limiting moniker. The worst offender, though, is the author of “What to Expect” who refers to you as “mama” like 1,000 times per page. 😛
Haha! I haven’t read “What to Expect” yet! And now I am not sure I can!
No no, don’t read it! It’s exhausting in all of the things that can go wrong. There are more awesome books out there like Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Pregnancy, Childbirth, and The Newborn: The Complete Guide by Janet Whalley. And I bet there are shirts out there that you can get that are slightly sarcastic about not touching your belly. Then it says the off-limits part for you. Me, I kinda loved it when I was huge. And I am an extreme belly toucher of the preggos surrounding me. But if the vibe is saying “not so much” then I tone it down and leave the belly be.
Thank you for the suggestions, I have had no idea where to start! I have, however, been reading “It Sucked and Then I Cried” which is not really instructional but is hilarious and super awesome!
YOU make me smile 🙂
Welcome to preggo world and let me say that I am thoroughly excited about following your journey on here 😉
Thank you! I am sure it’s gonna be fun! Haha!
OMG yes, the “mamma” thing is so obnoxious. At now 29 weeks I have only had 2 close friends attempt to touch my belly– hopefully I just give off a general don’t touch me vibe. The other fun annoyance you have to look forward to is everyone in the world, especially people without children, trying to give you advice. Super awesome.
I am soooooo uber excited about the unsolicited parenting advice!
I HATED telling people I was pregnant. The hardest was telling the Dean of my department at work. He is a great guy and pretty funny, but I still felt like I was confessing to my dad that I had sex.
From what you have written thus far it seems we may have similar outlooks on pregnancy and children. I happen to have 2 now and think they are awesome. I am still not that into other people’s kids. I suck at pregnancy but think I am a pretty good mom.
If you really hate people touching your stomach, when they do it, touch theirs back. It freaks them out.
I hated the extra attention that came with pregnancy. Keep in mind, when it is over nobody ever looks at you again. They only look at the baby. That is good and bad.
If you have a good sense of humor, parenting is pretty awesome. Who knows what personality your little one is going to have. If you are interested in what you might be in for check out my blog. I am new at this too so there isn’t much yet but enough to give you an idea of the crazy just waiting for you.
Haha! I will totally try the touching other people’s bellies thing! That is hilarious! And I am just enough of an asshole to do it! It is definitely hard, not being a huge kid person, to accept my fate but I sooooo appreciate common outlooks! I will be following along with you!
I have successfully made it to 31 weeks without having any strangers touch my belly – yeah! Actually I probably wouldn’t mind it at this point since I actually have a bump. I was more annoyed when my family wanted to touch my belly before I was showing — it was a little creepy.
I also really dreaded telling people. I was sooo nervous to tell my boss, even though she is female and loves babies. I told my coworkers and non-close friends via a video posted on Facebook. It just seemed so awkward at the time to say it out loud. Internet makes it easier 🙂
Don’t worry, your kid will be cuter, smarter, more fun, and cooler than other people’s kids…and won’t smell nearly as bad or be quite as annoying. That is how it works and it seems to be a pretty good system.
Haha! Noted!
Your blog makes me giggle. If it makes you tel any better on the mormon front I got pregnant out of wedlock after a divorce by my casual boyfriend with twins in Utah. It’s still funny.
Oh wow! I bet everyone LOVED that!!! Haha!