Here it is, Ladies! The latest Giveaway!

Alright, ladies, here it is! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The new giveaway announcement is here!

I have teamed up with the LOVELY Kathy at The Jamlife with Kathy for this one and we are excited to share this amazing giveaway with you! Kathy is a long-time friend of mine and she is not only amazing in real life, but she is also a fabulous Jamberry consultant!

Ladies, meet my dear friend Kathy:

My life is nothing but crazy chaos every single day. I am a 7th grade teacher and a mommy of a 5-year old and 2-year old. I know….What the heck was I thinking.  I see nothing but kids EVERYDAY!! Between the attitudes of pre-teens and the constant screaming of “MINE” from my kids at home, I wonder why I am not in a straight jacket. I will say that the kisses, hugs, and I love yous (from my little ones) make my days seem better. Don’t get it twisted….I still like to tell the whole truth to those who are looking to jump into the deep end that is the pool of parenthood. If you jump,  make sure you bring you coffee and wine!!!! You will need it. 
I also lead an alternate life as a Jamberry Independent Consultant. I love the fact that I GET PAID TO HAVE PRETTY NAILS. Since I have no time to get my nails done at the nail salon. I apply my Jamberry wraps after the kids go to bed. Once they are on I don’t have to worry about drying or smudging. I can go to bed and rest easy that my nails won’t look like crap when I wake up. On top of that, they last up to 2 weeks on fingers and 6-8 weeks on toes.
I have just recently started using these nail wraps, after winning a giveaway at one of Kathy’s Facebook parties (which, by the way, are awesome because you literally just get all the perks of having a consultant explaining things to you without having to get out of your yoga pants. And you know, I don’t get out of my yoga pants…) They are INCREDIBLE. No kidding. I have spent years NOT doing my nails because I have to wash my hands 4,073 times per day (because toddlers) and I don’t want to deal with all that chipping bullshit that happens. ALL THE CHIPPING, you guys. Anyway, they’re durable. No drying. Literally, NO WORK at ALL. I love. So, Kathy and I are sharing!
Here’s what you can win!
Jamberry Mini Heater –  Provides the right amount of heat for Jamberry nail wrap application.
Application Kit – Everything you need for the perfect manicure. Kit includes: • 2 alcohol wipes• 1 pair of nail scissors•
1 pair of nail clippers• 1 buffer block• 2 orange sticks• 1 rubber cuticle pusher1 nail file
App Kit
 White and Pink Tint Tip wraps – The French Tip collection has something for everyone. Whether you want to be classically chic or super trendy, you’ll find the right tips for you. Lasts up to 2 weeks on fingernails and 4 weeks on toenails.
Pink Tint
Sunday Brunch Wraps – The Garden Party collection features any and all things garden inspired and feminine. From floral to lace, these designs embrace femininity.
Sunday Brunch
This is over a $60 value! You will NEVER go back!
To enter: “Like” Broken Condoms Blog and The JamLife with Kathy on Facebook. (Must be a US resident.) Contest starts at midnight! Winner will be announced on March 1, 2015!!! Mobile friendly entry HERE:

2012 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 11,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 18 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Three Months and Going Strong…

So, Baby L is a little over three months old now (can you BELIVE that?!) and I am, more and more, getting the hang of being a mom. You know, sometimes I still have little freak outs because she starts crying spontaneously and I have no idea why. And sometimes I just want to take a nap so badly that my body aches. But for the most part now, there are things that I am confident of. I know that Baby L will smile when I come to pick her up in the morning from her sleeper. And I know that she will want to cuddle in the afternoon and that it has to be with me, no one else will do. And I know that she isn’t usually fussy unless she wants to be held or is tired. Knowing these things makes me feel pretty confident that I am doing a decent job a being a parent. Recognizing the tone in her cries and being able to translate their meanings makes me feel pretty damn good about things. Because at first, I was fairly certain that she just cried to make me cry. Or just to make me feel completely inept. (Both of which, she succeeded at on a regular basis.) But now, even with the panic of this cold and the mucus and the little sad look she gets on her face when she is uber-stuffy, I feel pretty prepared to be her mom, no matter what that entails. I’m pretty proud of myself for that.

Baby L has been sleeping through the night for quite a while now (almost immediately after she started sleeping in the Fisher Price Newborn Sleeper contraption that I can not speak highly enough of) and she takes semi-regular naps througout the day, but she likes to be part of the action. So, she spends a lot of her time during the day, fighting naps because she won’t be able to see what’s happening on “90210”. (And yes, we watch “90210” together every morning because we are nerds and we can’t get enough…and by “we”, I mean…you know, ME.) She likes it when I kiss the bottoms of her feet. She likes to sit in the beanbag and stare confusedly at the Apple logo on my phone when I try to take her picture. (Which causes her to make really unhappy looking faces and makes getting a smiling baby picture next to impossible.)  She is perplexed by her five-year-old cousin who has a wealth of pent-up energy which he expels by leaping around the house like a maniac for hours on end. She likes Grandma’s rocking chair. And she likes taking naps in  our bed over any other place.

My little nugget is getting all this personality and I am just so…so…I don’t even know what the word is that I’m looking for…elated? Yes. But also, sort of sad when I think that these times of cuddling are getting fewer and further between and my tiny little girl is growing into a…well…person!

I have a million thoughts to post here on the daily and I have been so busy with nose-suckers and diapers that I haven’t had a chance, but I plan to get back into a regular pattern of blogging THIS WEEK. Thanks for hanging in there with me, you guys rock my face off!


Summer Sharing Contest

Hey, ladies and gents! I have a favor to ask!

I entered Baby L in a contest over at Madison Grace Baby Accessories on Facebook!!! The picture with the most likes there gets some free adorable baby loot! And Baby L LOVES headbands (there is no way for me to prove this, but MOMMY loves Baby L in headbands…so there!) Could you take a minute and head over!/MaddiesBowShop and like the page and then vote for Lilah (by liking her photo)!? I would bake you all cookies or something…but you know…

Will cyber cookies do?



A Delicious THANK YOU

Okay, so many of you who stop by here from time to time may have seen my post from a little while back about my insecurity about “the bump”. I wanted to take a moment to tell all of you who commented and were so awesome and reassuring and wonderful that I really appreciate all your words.

It really has been a hard journey for me, as I think it is for a LOT more women than can admit it. I absolutely know that this is all a very beautiful thing and that what is happening to my body is natural and beautiful and purposeful and knowing all that stuff definitely prevents me from hurling myself off of a building, but it is still a struggle when I am just glancing at myself in the mirror or a store window. But all of you readers and commenters who could identify? ROCKED MY FACE OFF.

Thank you!!!

I have really been trying, since writing that post to really FOCUS on all of those positve and miraculous things that my body is working on doing right now and less on how I physically LOOK while my body is doing them. Because even though my body image is improving with every passing day, my body is racing to look MORE DIFFERENT* every day. (Seriously, I am pretty sure my hips are three inches wider than yesterday…) But I am getting there, and I now know, more than ever, that I am not the only neurotic, crazy pregnant lady to ever feel this way. So…seriously…sincerely…Thank you all. If I could, I would buy you each a beautiful bouquet of flowers, all of your individual favorite variety/color and have them sitting at your doorstep, waiting for you the next time you have a kind of neurotic/sad/frustrating/irritating/panic-inducing moment. Or maybe just because you really like flowers. And for those of you who are pregnant, I would also send ornate baskets of bacon. Because…I mean…come ON…who doesn’t like bacon?

Thank you, fellow bloggers…you are my sunshine.

Okay, after further research, I have decided that you pregoos would get BACON ROSES. (Why hasn’t anyone sent me BACON ROSES, you guys?! And why didn’t I know this was a thing?!)

As Promised!

For your reading pleasure, I hearby present to you: 10 noteworthy blogs to which I am awarding the Tell Me About Yourself Award!!!


And the winners are: (Drumroll…)

1. Mommy Odyssey. A soon to be mommy, telling it like it is!

2. Chick, Filleted. This site makes me angry at humanity but feel like being as much of an ass-kicking woman as I can be!

3. And Squatch Makes Three. A daddy blog!!! Striving, as I am, not to be that parent!

4. DKingNeece.  Newly and unexpectedly pregnant! Sound familiar?

5. Kathryn Finding Balance.  A really brave and totally amazing blog about a very complicated relationship. Highly recommended reading!

6. Drive-Thru Bride. Seriously. She was a drive-thru bride!

7. I’ll Sleep When They’re Grown.  This is actually one of the first mommy-type blogs I started reading and was pleasantly surprised!

8. Dear #$&!% Baby.  This is a really funny blog about the joys of pregnancy. Love it!

9. Mad Sticky Notes. Not a Mommy Blog! Because sometimes, I need a distraction from my ever-expanding waistline!

10. Blended So Splendid. A blog by a person I actually know. Like, in real life! She writes about family, crafting and life in general. And with snark!

Bloggy Love

I promise that a real post is coming very soon (probably tomorrow) because I have so much to tell you, internet! In the meantime, I would like to give a shoutout to Ashley over here, who awarded me the Tell Me About Yourself Award the other day!!!

  Thank you, Ashley!

The Rules are:

1. To thank the person who gave you the award. (Duh!)

2. List 7 little-known facts about yourself. (I have just recently done this, so I probably won’t do it again so soon, but you can go here and here, for a refresher…)

3. Give props to 15 bloggers you dig! (I probably will cheat here too because 15 is a LOT but I definitely have a few to mention.)

Again, I will not be doing this tonight, but, in the meantime, go see Ashley!

Woohoo! (Now With Added Ooomph.)

So, my lovely sister, *Fish Head informed me the other day that I had been honored with another blog award from my bloggie friend over at The Waiting! (I can’t tell you how much I love this news!)

I am truly honored that people like this blog as much as I have enjoyed writing here! Woohoo! Non-alcoholic drinks for everyone! (Ugggggghhhh…Someday, I will no longer be pregnant and there will be champagne. And delicious beers. And maybe some vodka. Because…well…I am sure I will be ready for some vodka by that time.)

In turn, I would like to go ahead and recognize some of the bloggers I enjoy for their awesomeness and share them with you. (It is of note that I was instructed to post 15 blogs that I like, but I am only going to do ten  five because I am pregnant and peeing is going to have to happen about 37 times during the time it takes me to write this. And 37 is my limit.) Anyway, here goes (in no particular order, and please know that if you are not on this list, it is because of my bladder, not because I don’t like you.)

1.  The Bloggess. Oh my GOD, you guys. I love this blog. I love this blog so much that I read it even though it makes me have to pee more. And harder. And with more intensity. And possibly ON MYSELF. Please read this post! It makes me happy. (You may want to wear a diaper, though.)

2. Painting Chef. This is a seriously smart, witty and adorable lady who cooks and paints and is obsessed with shoes. What’s not to like? And she’s super snarky! I dig it!

3. Hyperbole and a Half. Okay, so I totally ACCIDENTALLY stumbled upon this blog a while back and I laughed so hard at this post that I cried. Because spiders are terrifying and I can totally identify.

4. This Fish Needs a Bicycle. I have been reading this blog since I learned how to read blogs.

5. And Baby Makes Three. YAY! Another pregnant lady! In Germany!

Goodness. I had to cut that short because I have already peed 36 times and am dangerously close to the limit. Either way, part two of this post (wherein I will give you seven little known facts about yours truly) will follow! (Hopefully tomorrow. But this depends on whether or not I can break myself away from my bathroom for long enough to post again.)

* I call my sister Fish Head because of a little film called “Mermaids” starring Cher, Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci. And yes, she calls me Sergeant.


Just for the record, I feel bad that I did not add this blog to this list. I cannot let this slide. SHAME ON ME.  Go here. She is funnier than your grandma. I swear.