So, last night, I was lying in bed, thinking about all of these things that are happening and all of the things that have happened recently and I thought to myself, “Self, you have so many things to say. If only there was a place that you could document these things. Like a journal. Maybe even somewhere that you could share these things with other people. Like, online, even!” And then I remembered that, once upon a time, I used to write things in a place JUST like that! So, I decided, now that I have ventured outside of being a toddler mom and L and O are grown enough to (most of the time) allow me to pee alone, I might just have time to get back to this. And, to be honest, I have missed it. So, here I am, interweb. Back and better than ever! Or maybe, like, just a little fatter and more cynical than ever. Either way. I am here and you are WELCOME!
So, just to update you all, if you are still here, I am now a work-at-home-mom instead of a stay-at-home-mom. Which is basically exactly the same except now I get to worry about the kids streaking naked through my room while I am in a Zoom meeting with my boss. (Which may or may not have happened this afternoon. Why? Because they like my shower and can’t be bothered to wait until they get to the bathroom to undress. Because isn’t it much more fun this way?) I am not going to get into the specifics of my job right now because it really is unremarkable except to say that I have a paycheck and that feels really good after 8 years of being paid in vomit and goldfish crackers in my sports bra. So, there’s that.
The kids are 8 and 9 now, which seems wrong because I feel like I was just here telling you stories of naptime defiance and temper tantrums but here we are. Now I am going to tell you stories about LOL dolls and Minecraft. I’m kidding. I won’t do that. If I have to hear any more about either of those things, I am going straight to my eardrums with ice picks. And you might not know this, but a burst eardrum is possibly one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. It lasted 4 seconds and then the pain completely stopped but I was bleeding from my ear and the doctor at the ER (where I was forced to go by my husband and a friend because, apparently bleeding from your ear is not normal or acceptable) insisted that I must have been punched or something (because bleeding from your ear also doesn’t happen spontaneously, WHICH IT TOTALLY DID) and I thought I was going to end up in a battered women’s shelter. Okay, I forgot where this was going.
As you can probably tell, I have not lost my flair for tangents.
I hate LOL dolls and Minecraft.
Allow me to re-introduce myself. My name is Crystal and I am still neurotic, exhausted, and a ball of sarcasm. I am so glad to be back! I won’t be a stranger, I promise!