First, I would like to say a HUGE Thank you to all of you ladies (rays of internet sunshine) who have commented with all your encouraging and supportive words. All those words mean more than you can possibly know! THANK YOU!
I actually feel pretty good. I have been a little ill (the vomiting has returned, just in time to make life just a little bit more fun!) but other than that, I am calm and feeling optimistic. I have honestly surprised my self with the lack of spaztastic tantrums and my ability to stay all cheery and to look on the bright side. (I finally learned about this “bright side” I have heard so much about!) And the bright side is this:
While I may have come into this pregnancy reluctantly and even begrudgingly, it has happened. It is a real thing and it will happen whether I am ready for it or not. (This may not sound like a bright side, but hold on, I swear I’m getting there…) Everyone knew that I hated my job and the majority of the people that I worked with and the stress it caused me was painfully obvious to everyone around me. Bright side? I no longer have to deal with the anxiety of working in a toxic environment and try to maintain my sanity for the health of my unborn child. Who, by the way, I am recognizing more and more every day as a real blessing.
So, there it is. Things have happened and are out of my control. And I feel good. Confident. And…strangely happy. (Go team ME!)
I have even gotten several phone calls already to schedule interviews for new jobs. The thing is, I am not even sure I want to attempt to find another job right now. In fact, the more I think about it, I am not sure I want to work at all. Like…ever. And not because I want to be lazy and eat bonbons. Because it dawned on me that I couldn’t bear another job like the last few that I have had. And how good a parent can I be if I am constantly stressed out and unhealthy? So, that’s where I am at the current moment. I am ON A BREAK! (And for you “Friends” fans, I need you to go ahead and read that in the voice of Ross. If you didn’t, you did it wrong. Try again.)
Now if I could remember what sleep feels like…
Broken Condoms 
I totally agree… while my current job is nothing like the soul-sucking hell hole that was my last job, it’s still not what I want to do, and I’m having a hard time even thinking about going back after maternity leave. I’m hoping my husband’s job will offer him another year contract so I can take off and take time to figure out what I really want to do. Kudos to you and going ON A BREAK (obvi spoken like Ross). Proud of you and inspired by your courage!!!
You are awesome! And go ahead and eat those bonbons if you so choose. Your attitude really is admirable and I wish I could have the clarity that you certainly seem to have.
There is nothing better than leaving a job that was hard to leave. You’re trapped in the toxic relationship and now you’re free! And you have the perfect excuse (pregnancy = excuse to do or not do anything) to be unemployed. The baby wants to you stay at home! That is also a good excuse for when the baby comes. The baby is cold! Let’s turn on the heater. Or the baby is hungry! We need to stop on the way home and get muffins.
I completly understand. Work is just that…work. I feel the same way about being a soon to be new mom for the very first time. I know everyday won’t be roses when he arrives, but I know he’ll need me way more than a job. The priceless responsibility of motherhood.