On Worry…

I have to say, internet, that this week of unemployment has been…well…glorious. It is so nice to feel calm most of the day. I realize now how long it has been since I have felt this way. Calm. It is heavenly.

There are, however, some things that do tend to weigh on my mind these days. I mean, being jobless and free is a beautiful thing, but it also allows a lot of time for thinking. And for worrying. Which, by the way, I am super fantastic and skilled at.

I worry mostly about insurance. Currently, I don’t have any. I have applied for some aid, because as My Beloved and I have discussed, it is sort of unrealistic now to consider finding a job a real option. I am currently 17 weeks along and soon the pregnancy will be painfully obvious (yes, I can still hide it if need be, but not for long) and who is going to hire me at five months pregnant? Then I will have the 90 day probation period, where I will not have insurance and, during that time, the employer will have the option to let me go (and I can’t help but feel that this would be the plan of action because by that time, they would be well aware that I would soon be taking a period of time out of the office or whatever, for maternity leave). So finding a job? Not so much something I want to put myself through. So for now, I await answers from the powers that be to see what I am eligible for. Things are looking good for aid, even though I am pretty proud and never really wanted to have to go this route but, I think it is the best thing for me and the wee one. And being unmarried, in this case, has proven to be SUCH a benefit. (Go team ME!)

I worry, obviously, about money. Even though I have pretty much budgeted the bejesus out of everything and planned for everything short of an alien abduction, I still get a little freaked out thinking that the only income I will have is unemployment. Which, by the way, SUCKS. But, again, the fact that I can stay home and remain mostly stress-free is worth the money I will lose. It honestly is.

The money thing is a big concern, also, because I need to somehow be able to fund my McDouble habit. Which, honestly, has taken a back seat for the time being. But I am not sure how long I can keep the cheeseburger monster at bay. (Note to former employer: Seriously, you should really have thought of how dangerous it is to fire a pregnant lady with a serious cheeseburger problem. This was a grave mistake.)

Mostly, though, I am concerned that I may never sleep again. Why does no one ever tell you, before you get pregnant, that you will NEVER SLEEP AGAIN? Seriously. I was expecting that, once this kid is born, I would be up all night feeding and banging my head against hard stuff, but I thought that this not sleeping thing happened AFTER destroying my vagina. Not DURING gestation. I find myself physically and mentally exhausted by 7pm and passing out and dreaming about fried stuff with cheese and then waking up promptly at 2:45 am, moving back to the couch where I will watch re-runs of bad TV shows from the seventies until I finally get so frustrated that I start the hysterical crying/eating until about five minutes before My Beloved wakes up and comes into the living room. Which is when I will have just fallen asleep. I am not going to even get INTO the painful attempts at sleep while IN my bed. With my giant boyfriend wrapping his tree-legs around me periodically and my giant cat sleeping directly ON MY HEAD. Because I will start crying right now. And it is only lunch time. And my bed time/hysterical crying time is not for another 6-7 hours.  I could bear to disrupt the schedule of insanity. It is the only routine I have these days.



10 thoughts on “On Worry…

  1. Did you have insurance at your job? If you did you can apply for cobra (or it’s equivalent). It’s expensive, but at least you’d be covered. You have a good bit of time to apply for it too. So, look into that if it’s an option for you.
    If it’s not, it’s good to know that pregnancy isn’t a pre-existing condition, so you might be able to get insurance on your own even though you’re pregnant. There are loop holes to this that can trip you up, but if you look at insurance companies you might be able to find one that will cover you.

    • I am still looking into things like this. I know that Cobra will be available, but if receiving unemployment, I will literally be using all of that money to be insured, and then we would, on top of everything, have to move and be really even MORE cautious about spending for the wee one and everything else. We want to get married, but adding me to his insurance is also super expensive and the coverage, while better than nothing, is not great for what he will be paying. Our solution right now, is Medicaid. I didn’t really want to go this route but have found that, in our area, there are really great doctors who accept it and it won’t break us. When the baby is born, we will add him/her to HIS insurance and go from there for me. The major concern right now is just making sure that I stay healthy until the little one arrives. And so far, so good!

  2. Sometimes I just hate effing money. When we’re actually making a lot of it, it’s because we’re working too much and completely stressing ourselves out. When it’s incredibly tight (ie, now), well I don’t think I have to expound on the joy of that.

    Yeah, sleeping. Used to be such a pleasurable activity in my life, something I could really count on. If it hasn’t happened already, wait until the CONSTANT urge to pee sets in and you have to get up in the middle of the night 850+ times. Yay, babies.

    • Oh, the peeing. Yes, I either have an unusually small bladder to begin with or this has started for me a lot earlier than for most. I have contemplated sleeping in the bathtub to eliminate the need to walk into another room to pee. Walking into another room usually involves a lot of stumbling, banging toes on things and cursing. Which then creates a hostile boyfriend and cat. Sleeping in the tub could actually eliminate the need to actually move at all. I mean, there is a drain…and it will be warm. For a minute.

  3. 3 legs, you crack me up. This is the one & only post from me. Love ya, babes! If you need help researching anything let me know (because you know how I mostly just stare at the pc when stuff is incubating at work). And Ebates will seriously help (amazon, too! I accidently signed up for the mommy program, lol!). The BF for some reason gets coupons for Huggies in the mail, so ill forward those on to you. ^_^

  4. i love that you too have a mcdouble habit and kudos for being able to keep it somewhat at bay. my mouth waters every time i drive by the golden arches. my mother in law said she also had a crazy cheeseburger craving when she was pregnant with my hubs, until finally one day, her husband (my husband’s father) forbade her to go to Mickey Dees because he thought copious amount of cheeseburgers just could not be good for the baby. well of course, my MIL didn’t listen and kept going….and then one day her car broke down in, that’s right, the middle of the McDonald’s drive thru and she had to call her husband and confess so that he could come pick her up. BUSTED!

    • Haha! That is the best story EVER! Luckily, I think I am in the clear for now because My Beloved, if he knows what’s good for him, would rather keep me happy (by stuffing my face full of cheeseburgers) than face my wrath if I don’t get them…

  5. I was on Medicaid during my pregnancy… Def an oopsie baby. Lol. I found out he was in my belly a month before he made his entrance into the world… Therefore, super unprepared. Medicaid was and is a lifesaver! The best hospitals in my area accept it, my entire hospital visits are free and so are most prescriptions. Its been tough, but what a help it is.

    • Wow! That really would be a shock! I am still waiting on my answer about Medicaid but I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really have heard a lot of great things about it and I sure do need all the help I can get at this point!

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