In my first trimester, I kept reading about how the second one is soooo much better and that I would have energy and an appetite and would feel like a million bucks in comparison to the first few months of pregnancy. I believed this hype, thinking that there is no way that the second trimester could rival the first in terms of general discomfort. I was sort of wrong, you guys. With the second trimester came a bunch more fun symptoms, and I am not sure which ones are worse.
First Trimester:
1.Okay, so there was the “morning sickness”. All of us preggos know that the term “morning sickness” is a term used to describe the extreme nausea and vomiting that come along with the first trimester changes to your body. I believe that whomever decided it was a good idea to term it “morning sickness” was an asshole (and probably a man) who wanted to trick women into thinking that this discomfort would only last for a short period of the day. Like, from the hours of 8am to 11:59am. This is a total lie. “Morning sickness” occurs all day long. And sometimes continuously for the entire day. And sometimes, if you are really, really lucky, it lasts beyond the first trimester.
2. Effing heartburn. Holy Jeebus. I used to get heartburn once or twice a year. When it happened, it was unbearably painful and, of course, because I got it so infrequently, I was always unprepared for it and it made me want to kill myself and/or eat an entire bottle of antacids. During my first trimester, the heartburn became daily. Several times, each day. And it was excrutiating and made me not only want to kill myself, but also those around me.
3. FATNESS accompanied by insatiable hunger for really disgusting food that you would never in your life ingest in these quantities. You get fat. Period.
4. Mood swings. Okay, okay. I know. I am insane. Leave it alone.
There are a whole host of other ridiculous and horrible things that happen to your body during this time but I think we all know what we are talking about here. These were the worst for me.
SECOND TRIMESTER:
1. Morning Sickness. You are told this will end, so you begin to feel hopeful and less suicidal. You still carry saltines in your purse. You will pretend not to need them and will sometimes have to open your car door at traffic lights and vomit outside. But you will not be discouraged. This is the second trimester! This is supposed to be UTOPIA.
2. Heartburn. WILL IT EVER END?! You have been swallowing fire for months and are starting to believe that you could be an ACTUAL fire eater! After all, you should be paid for this sort of agony.
3. FATNESS. You will get bigger and bigger until you feel you might explode. You will see other pregnant women who seem to enjoy their “baby bumps” but in studying your own, have noticed that, not only is it not as cute on you, but that appears to have doubled in size over the last two hours.
4. THE PAIN! This is a new one. You will never, EVER be comfortable again. You cannot sleep on your back because it restricts bloodflow to the baby, you cannot sleep on your stomach because it will feel like a) you are sleeping on a grapefruit and b) you are smashing your child, you cannot sleep on your right side because your right hip cannot support the weight of your GIGANTIC belly and you cannot sleep on your left side because…well…YOU CANNOT SLEEP ON YOUR LEFT SIDE! Your back will burn from the pain of carrying another PERSON around with you all day, every day for many months. Your head will pound from the lack of sleep you have had over the last several days (weeks?) and you cannot take drugs. Did you hear me?! YOU CANNOT TAKE DRUGS!
5. Mood swings. Check! (But don’t you dare bring it up. I will cry.)
Keep in mind, I was in a fairly severe car accident six years ago wherein I tore some disks in my back, so back pain is not new.
BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE DRUGS!
Please tell me it gets better! AHHHH!
On a sidenote: EAT THESE COOKIES! Holy crap!
Broken Condoms 
From what I gather, it ends after you have the baby. Then you get to transfer it all back onto the child through what I understand is called a “guilt trip.” So there’s light at the end, I suppose.
Um..yeah… what Ande said 😉
To be replaced initially though by some OTHER symptoms as you possibly breast feed and your body works on trying to get back to “normal”. Hah. I’d day you’ve got another year of feeling like an alien ;->>
I think feeling like an alien I can handle, feeling like a fire-eating, emotionally-challenged, obese, psychotic hunchback is really my concern…HAH!
I can at least offer a little consolation on the bump. I went from being fat to being cutely pregnant seemingly overnight. EVERYONE loves a baby bump and once it comes in and it’s clearly a fetus to the outside world and not just a fat ass, you start to feel a little better. Or at least I have.
So sorry you’re second trimester is so horrible. I’m just starting to get back pain and i know it will only get worse, not being used to carrying my weight out in front and my horrible posture because of said weight.
I do love how the memory foam mattress pad has helped me sleep on my side. Also with the body pillow I can kind of trick myself into sleeping on my ‘stomach’/side a bit which is much more comfortable than just side for me. I do end up on my back still (which is my favorite position) but try to move (unless I’m really tired *wink* ) 🙂
It is so weird! The back pain seems to have started overnight (quite literally) for me! I am still trying to figure out what works! I am really hoping I dont end up sleeping in a chair or hanging by the closet rod. Lol
I’m in my second trimester too and completely emo at the most random times: I cried at a flash mob video the other day! It wasn’t even a surprise proposal or anything sappy, a bunch of people were dancing to the Sound Of Music’s Do-Re-Mi, haha.
I saw you have all kinds of maternity clothes up on ebay. Where did they come from? Dontcha need them? 🙂
My spouse already told me in the future to buy preggo jeans on ebay.
I’m sorry you’re having such a crappy time 😦 I was also surprised by how extreme the symptoms of pregnancy were, and remember saying to my husband several times how i couldn’t imagine putting up with this if I hadn’t asked for it! You are a stronger woman than me!
One thing that might make it easier…sleep on your effing back. It does restricts bloodflow to the baby in like 6-10% of women. If it restricts bloodflow to the baby, it also will to you, and you will almost certainly feel crappy before your baby does! Our subconscious minds are smart, if you fall asleep and it starts making you or baby sick, your brain will move your body 😛
I’ve also heard a snoogie does wonders for sleeping, but haven’t given in to spend $50 on a pillow yet…
Oh! And back pain? Maybe if your insurance covers it try a chiropractor? I have always been a skeptic of such crazy crap…but oh my gosh, in my first trimester it got to the point where I couldn’t walk and he fixed it! WORTH the copay!
WELL, THIS pregnancy only got better in the spending half my day in the bathroom at like week 34. RIDICULOUS. Beyond that. Now my huge stomach rests on my thighs when I sit and I feel super sexy. Especially when wearing a bathing suit. I’m just not a fan on being pregnant. My FAVORITE thing is that I CAN eat a whole bunch before swimming or going out because the bloat doesn’t show, or at least doesn’t matter! Other than that it is a game of survival!
Pregnancy is absolutely the SEXIEST thing ever. EVER. I am so hot. Especially in full panel maternity pants and bras made to hold watermelons.
I absolutely LOVE this post. I think I might just have to steal it! LOL! How far along are you?! 🙂
Haha! Thank you! I am 21 weeks and 4 days. (and yes, I am absolutely counting the nanoseconds!)