Still No Baby. (Insert a bunch of expletives here.)

Well, internet, my due date is two days away and here I sit…STILL pregnant. I haven’t been having any more significant signs that labor is near, besides feeling generally craptastic and large. But I DID see the doctor and have my “membrane stripped” on Monday. And yes, that is exactly as much fun as it sounds like it would be. The doctor said that I am 60% effaced and about 2 centimeters dilated, which was a little uplifting, because, lets face it, progress is progress. Right?

I have been searching the internet intently, trying to find all of the natural methods of inducing labor and have tried just about everything I can to get this baby OUT OF ME (and I am sure I was quite a site over the weekend in my mom’s pool, furiously kicking my legs while swimming and muttering, “GET OUT OF ME.”) . (I did not, however, try the “mustard seed/nipple method” suggested by Southern Fried’s mom. Mainly because I would have to a) go to the store to buy mustard seed and b) locate some sort of tape that isn’t duct tape.) Later today, I plan to eat jalapenos and pineapple while doing jumping jacks. And then I plan to seduce MB. Because there is nothing more irresistable than this giant belly, let me tell you. (He actually doesn’t seem to find me any less attractive with the baby dome, however, I find myself to be a heinous, gigantic beast.) I will not be trying the castor oil method because I am not a fan of being deathly ill. (Crazy, right?)

The doctor did tell me that, after my next appointment, next Tuesday, if I still don’t have a baby instead of a baby bump, we will talk about induction. And I really don’t want to have to get to that point. I just want this to happen. Like…you know…on its own terms…and…well…NOW-ISH.

So, that’s basically all I got. Still pregnant. Still suffering heartburn, backache, insomnia and general crankiness. And yes, friends, I know you want an excuse to blow off work, but I cannot MAKE Baby L join us, she is stubborn “like her mom” as you all keep saying. Grrrr…


11 thoughts on “Still No Baby. (Insert a bunch of expletives here.)

  1. Aww, I’m thinking about you! These last moments are so infuriating. At this point I was like, “I effing DON’T CARE how much the contractions are going to hurt. JUST COME ALREADY!” At least you know that this time next week it will all be over…pregnancy, and sleep as you know it. 🙂

    • That is about the only thing that is keeping me sane at this point. It feels like next week will come at the same pace that the last NINE MONTHS have, though! This really has been the longest couple of weeks of my life!!! I am going to miss sleep (not that I really do that too much now anyway) but I will be glad to just be able to lay on my stomach. Like…a normal sized stomach (even if it is a little saggy or whatever…)!

      • Ah, the stomach! The moment that I pushed C out and my stomach literally DEFLATED instantly was the best feeling. Ever. You are going to LOVE it. All-caps LOVE IT.

  2. Still two days to go? If you go by the guidelines some of my students have in their heads, you still have a day-and-a-half or even two days to start your paper pop out a baby. You’re good.

    I told my wife it’s probably going to be like taking the best poop ever. Not the actual labor, but the feeling afterward.

    • You’re right, I have always been quite the procrastinator anyway. Who am I kidding? Early is not in my vocabulary. But this is the one time I wouldn’t h e minded being the first one to turn in my paper…errrr…you know what I mean.

      Haha! I know a lot of pregnant women who would be glad to actually poop! But I imagine that your comparison could be spot on. Hopefully I will find out sooner than later!!!

  3. My membranes were stripped on Monday, too! Twinsies! lol
    My due date was yesterday. I’m hoping this happens on its own, but either way I’m scheduled for induction Monday morning. P.S. – the one great thing about induction? Shorter. Labor. My first was 12 hrs and my second was 6. Here’s to hoping I’ll just lay down and shoot this one out like a potato gun. 🙂

  4. Dang! I keep hoping that the next post by you will be about the cute new baby you just brought home. Good luck when it finally does happen. 🙂

  5. Pingback: I Want A Baby? « Parker Platform

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