Mommy Needs a Patio

I remember days before all this motherhood stuff when I used to get to do things. Like, take naps. And drink wine at lunch. And wake up at noon. And skip laundry because there wasn’t any baby puke all over it. I remember times when I could sit down and watch an episode of “Dexter” without having to pause 15 times to get a bottle or rinse of a pacifier or change a diaper.

I’ve been feeling…in a rut. My days, although fulfilling in ways I never could have imagined, have become sort of monotonous. I sleep until I am awoken, not by an alarm, but by the whimper of a hungry baby. I shower only when MB is free to give me the 20 minutes of peace to do so. I leave the house to run errands but not without a giant diaper bag and massive stroller. I’m stressed in a way that I can’t even explain. Before baby, stress was brought about by too many things on my plate. By having to be too many places at once. By never having enough time. And it is almost the same now, but in some sort of weird way, I miss the time when stress came from having two parties to attend in one night. Or because I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it to happy hour on time because my hair appointment was taking a bit longer than expected.

Can I remember my last hair appointment? Sort of.

We’ve moved so far away from the world I am used to that my social life involves talking to a four-month-old about what an idiot Mitt Romney is. And though she is becoming a hell of a conversationalist, I can’t really decipher her political belief system yet.

There are those moments when I just want a break. Like one where no one wakes me up. Or asks me about feeding schedules. I want to drink beer on a patio somewhere. I want to feel free for a moment.

I’m holding tight to the idea that in just a few days, we will be on vacation. That I might get a few moments, unchained. To drink beer. maybe even on a patio somewhere. But I worry that, even on vacation, I will feel exhausted. Tied down. Alone.

I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy every second of time with Baby L. Or that I don’t cherish every little thing she does. I really do. Because she is the best thing ever. But I’m tired, you guys.

And mommy needs a patio.

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16 thoughts on “Mommy Needs a Patio

    • My mom will be the designated child-watcher. But I definitely will feel so guilty about leaving her anyway. It is so difficult just to GO…lol…I am sure we will get SOME time away though. At least the wedding night, FOR SURE…

  1. I am so with you, right now. I have a patio and I’d even settle for someone coming over and drinking beer with me on it. I feel friendless right now. But, being able to go out by myself and enjoy it without feeling a little guilty would be AMAZING.
    The husband last night told me he wanted to take the baby with him to visit his parents in Salt Lake City – for an entire weekend – and leave me here to have a break. I don’t know whether to be freaked out about being away from the baby that long or excited that I get some time to just be me. I don’t even know what I would do with myself.
    P.S. – You’re going to have a husband, too, soon. EEK!

    • I would be glad to have a beer with you on a patio when I get there. Then we could talk all about it! I know what you mean, the guilt! Oh my god. I can’t even go to the grocery store without feeling like an asshole, these days. But te grocery store feels like a vacation, at the same time. Hell, the car ride TO the grocery store feels like a vacation! I’m sure it will get better. Right?!?! (Someone please tell me it gets better!)

      And OMG! I totally AM gonna have a husband! In SIX days!!!

      • The grocery store IS a vacation! And I know that vacations here can be whirlwinds of activities, so if there’s time for a meet up, then I can come to you. If it gets too crazy and there’s not, then no hurt feelings. I swear!
        As moms, we are stuck with guilt, I’m afraid. We just can’t let it overrun us and keep us from doing the things that will make us happy.

      • Totally tons to do, but I will make time! I feel like I already know you! We’re mommy bloggers together and we have babies like two days apart! This is happening. Lol. I will definitely email you where we’ll be an all that jazz. And them maybe we can go to the grocery store together! Haha! Just kidding. Patio. Definitely a patio.

  2. I feel exactly the same. I love my baby girl but I long for just one morning of solitude and the day I don’t have to breastfeed anymore. Of course, the grass is always greener, I’m sure when my mat leave is over I’d be wishing for this.

  3. I am totally with you. I love this kid like there’s no tomorrow, but I still miss the days when I could just decide last minute to go drink beer in the park. And then leave the house in 2 minutes to go do it. Sigh.

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