Today, I was looking through a couple of posts I wrote exactly a year ago. Not really for any particular reason, just because someone had recently read them and sometimes, I just like to go back and remember what things were like when my life changed. In one post, I wrote about how frightened I was about becoming “one of those women” who becomes baby-obsessed and who ceases to be an individual once their kid is born, because they become a mommy machine. And I was thinking about how awful this was to me back then. And how my biggest fear was losing myself once I gained a child. The funny thing about it is, there is NO WAY not to be obsessed with your own kid. There is also NO WAY not to be a mommy machine! Especially as a stay-at-home-mom. Because you eat, sleep and breathe mommy-hood. And there really isn’t anything you can do about it. And, to my surprise, I don’t really hate it.
Since having Baby L, I have become “one of those women”. And I am not ashamed to admit that my kid is my whole life. And I am not ashamed of the fact that there is NOTHING in the entire universe I would rather do than spend time with her and MB. I feel a little weird saying that. Because, evidently, a year ago I would have slapped you if you had suggested that I wouldn’t want to go to Happy Hour.
And don’t get me wrong, internet, I desperately want to go to Happy Hour. And don’t think that I haven’t made plans to do so…but at the end of the day, I am exhausted. Or I am snuggling with the little nugget. Or I am on the couch with MB, all cozy in a big blanket, watching “The Walking Dead“. (Because nothing says romance like zombies.) And I feel bad for not being all social butterfly now that Baby L is 6 months old. And it isn’t that I don’t love and miss seeing my friends and drinking too much vodka. I do. But I also just feel so much peace when I’m with my little family. I feel whole and content and so much LOVE, people! It is difficult for me to leave that for vodka. (And if you know me, you may think that I must currently be drinking to have said something so ludacris…but I promise, I’m sober. For the time being at least…)
And I may have become obsessed with my kid. And I may be a diaper-changing machine. But I didn’t lose myself. I evolved. And I am pretty proud of this lady. And most days, I don’t stress about missing Happy Hour. Or singing karaoke. Or vodka. Because those things will be there when I’m ready for them again. Right now, I just want to spend every minute I can appreciating this family.
I really just can’t bear to miss a thing.
6 thoughts on “Who Needs Vodka? I Made a Person!”
Well said! I felt a lot like that. If you’ll forgive me a shameless plug, I wrote a post called “Being a Mom has turned me into a total wimp” and it talks about my fears before of coming “second” with my husband and how things have changed for me. Now, I AM one of those Moms whose kid comes first… not at the “expense” of hubby per se, but both hubby and I love her more than anything in this world or any other and we are both just fine with it! I’m still a loud, foul-mouthed, video-gaming, horror loving freak, but I ALSO a mommy. My two year old like A Perfect Circle and Ozzy so I must be doing something right. 😉
Yes, it is amazing how easy it is to transition into being “one of those people” once you have your little one. I am totally one of those moms who posts too many pictures of my kids on Facebook.
You and I have gone the whole gamut together, from preggos to mommies. And I had those exact same thoughts, and I’m sure I wrote about them multiple times. I didn’t want to be a one-dimensional human who only sees herself through her child. But you are so right; it’s not bad. My baby has added texture and depth to my life like nothing else ever could. I want to be around her and I love who I am now that I’m her mother. It’s amazing to see how far we have both come.
We really have! I feel like we have (the whole gang of us) kind of grown up together! It has been super helpful/amazing/FUN to get to share all of this with so many new parents (who, JUST HAPPEN to all be really rockin’ bloggers!) It has been so awesome to see everyone grow and change and become new people! I am so glad I started this blog! And found yours!
I wanted to make sure I didn’t turn into one of those parents who only post about their kid on social media, so that’s why I started the blog and the other accounts. I’ve come to realize that I don’t really use the non-dad accounts anymore. Life is one funny bitch.
I love this post. Love. I also didn’t want to be one of those people who talked about nothing but their kid. But, you know, my kid is my life. And I wouldn’t change that! I try to still have other conversations, but if my Facebook feed is all baby love people can deal. As you said, I haven’t lost myself, I’ve evolved! 🙂