There was really never any question, after I found out I was pregnant again, that Baby O would be our last child. I was never really sure I wanted to have kids until I had Baby L, so when a second was coming, I knew I was done. At my first OB/GYN appointment during this pregnancy, I was already asking about birth control for after Baby O was born. Because, you know, if you are keeping score, BOTH of my pregnancies were accidental and I was on the pill when I got pregnant this last time, so I was pretty sure the pill wasn’t going to prevent Captain Super Sperm from getting me knocked up again. But I wasn’t sold on the IUD method because I just didn’t want some weird object floating around in there. And I didn’t want something so invasive as a tubal ligation. (Mostly because I am a total wuss and, up until I had my kids, had had almost NO medical issues in my life. Seriously, I had an x-ray once.) But I wanted the permanence of a tubal ligation. You know, without the incision. Gross.
At my first OB/GYN appointment, there was a poster on the wall advertising Essure so I asked about it. Seriously? Permanent? Yes. In-Office procedure? Awesome. No incision? SOLD. So, I had decided at 14 weeks that I was getting this shit taken CARE of. With a QUICKNESS, you guys.
So, yesterday, I had my “counseling” appointment. Which basically means that I watched a video of women and doctors and some women doctors talk about their experiences with it and how awesome it is. And then I signed a consent form. There is a waiting period of 30 days before I can have the procedure done. Because, you know, I might change my mind and decide I want another kid. (HA! If I ever say anything like that, internet, please remind me how long it has been since I have slept or eaten a meal while it was hot. Or while sitting.) So, now we wait.
What I didn’t expect was that I feel sort of like I am having to mourn the loss and/or use of my lady parts. I mean, first of all, I never really wanted to use them. And they are definitely USED at this point. And I don’t want to use them again. But it is sort of sad to think about. I never really thought about how much of a privilege it is to be ABLE to have children. Even if you don’t want them and don’t plan to have them, you have the POWER to create life. I mean, how amazing is that? I still don’t want to have another baby, you guys, it is just a crazy thought that I won’t be ABLE to.
I’m not going to change my mind. Because even if I did go absolutely batshit crazy and decide that more kids was a good idea, I wouldn’t do it. MB and I had our boy and our girl and we are absolutely elated to have completed our family and so QUICKLY! (This might have worked out for us. It seems doable. Hard, but we got this. In your FACE, universe!) Really, this is the only way to go. It is this or Captain Super Sperm over here will have to just stay away from me until I am all old and stuff. Because, I don’t even trust a vasectomy at this point. My husband is no joke.
8 thoughts on “Mourning the Lady Parts”
i completely understand you on the purposeful loss of ability to bear children, even when you know you won’t have anymore. it is a bittersweet moment because once you have babies, you realize the miracle, the power that happens inside of your own…and its like giving your magic away…choosing to be a mere mortal again…being a artist who is never allowed to paint again. ..and it IS sad…and its a change that is noteworthy when it passes.
Thank you so much for getting it! I wasn’t sure it made any sense. It is such a weird feeling. Because I know what I want and my mind is made up. But yeah, totally bittersweet.
I was on the pill. Then my husband looked at me and BAM I was preggo my eggo. Next time I DECIDE DAMN IT.
Lol yep! That’s what happened to us too! He has strict instructions to stay at least 6 feet away from me at all times because evidently, all I have to do is stand next to him. And then, KNOCKED UP.
Captain Super Sperm..as soon as I read that an image of J popped in my head of him wearing a cape with sperm embroidered on it and standing like Superman looking over the horizon.
I got all tied up when Felix came out, and although I’m on year 3 of no sleep and no hot meals I do still mourn.
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