On the Edge

I have been a bad blogger. I know, I know. Don’t hate me.

The truth is, I have been a little stuck inside my head lately. I have, throughout everything that has been going on, held on to the hope that my situation will work itself out and that, at the end of the day, things will be fine. This has been easier said than done. I applied for Medicaid at the start of this whole ordeal, after having losing my job and health insurance and have been not-so-patiently waiting and submitting all sorts of ridiculous paperwork to the powers that be, trying to secure medical care so that I don’t have a baby with 3 arms. At first, I truly was optimistic. Because I have heard that Medicaid can be a life saver, and even though I am proud and a bit too stubborn to readily accept help from people or even admit that I need it, I pressed on. I held my head high knowing that I am doing what is best for me and the baby. The health of my baby is more important than feeling defeated (because sometimes, internet, I do feel defeated and more than that, betrayed by a company that I was loyal to for years for firing me just days after the announcement of my pregnancy. Because, really?! How do they sleep at night?) I let my guard down and admitted I needed help. And you know what? The Medicaid system sucks.

After everything I did and all the waiting for results. Still nothing. Not only nothing, but now I find out that they denied my claim because they “did not receive all necessary documentation”. Mind you, their online system shows that everything WAS received over three weeks ago. BOTH TIMES THAT I SENT IT (just to be on the safe side). And I’ll be damned if I can get anyone on the phone who isn’t a total BITCH or who speaks English or who knows how to work the computer. (Seriously. This is not a joke.) So, there are unreturned calls and 45 minute hold times that end in absolutely NOTHING. Meanwhile, our little bean is just kicking it inside my belly. (And by kicking it, I mean kicking the hell out of ME.)

And I am six months along today. And I am starting to panic. Because I have no idea what to do. I have never felt more helpless in my life.

My Beloved has been wonderful. He reassures me that we will do whatever we have to do. And if he has to work 3 jobs, he will. I can be comforted by this for about 3.5 seconds, until I feel a kick or a hiccup and then I want to hurl many glass things at many walls and stab people and all sorts of other violent things. (This could have something to do with hormones…)

I desperately wanted to write a post about the Zaxby’s commercials about the fried pickles that makes me salivate and be all charming and funny, but I can’t. The reality is, this situation is sucking all of the charm and wit out of me and making me a big, panicky psychopath and I really just want some effing fried pickles and a prenatal OB appointment.


18 thoughts on “On the Edge

  1. Fried pickles? I would try it. I like Zaxby’s but they don’t have one here.

    When you are dealing with the gov’t you really have to be resilient. They will suck all the patience out of you. It is free, nothing that is free, is easy, when they don’t really want to give it to you.

    They will make you bring the same shit in 10 times. Just keep copies of EVERYTHING! I don’t care if they send you and empty envelope, keep it! If you are not working, you should be approved. I don’t remember if you are married, if you are, they may take your husband account into it.

    I had medicaid and it does make life easier with child birth. I never had to worry about co-payments, medications, nada. I had my baby and never paid a bill. It was quite nice. When they did send me a bill, it was like $10,000 or more. I didn’t have to pay a dime. So, if you have to keep trying, you really should. It is really worth it.

    • 1. Fried pickles are phenomenal. If you have the chance, you should definitely try them. (I live in the South, we are huge fans of fried stuff. And fried stuff with cheese is even better!)
      2. I am not married, but they did ask for MB’s info as well as mine, which, since I have no income besides unemployment (which is very temporary), was well under what their cap was for two people and a baby on the way. But…they are morons.
      3. I will definitely keep chugging along, it is just crazy to me that they make a really terribly stressful time MORE stressful because they are incompetent and/or stupid.
      4. I don’t want to say that all government employees are stupid, uncaring pricks, I would just like to say that I have worked in somewhat similar case management situations and have a profound empathy for people who struggle and THIS IS INSANE.

      End of rant…lol

  2. I am assuming that you are applying for medicaid for yourself and CHIPS for your baby? I don’t have any experience with all that red tape, I imagine it’s a nightmare. But don’t be too proud. YOU PAID TAXES did you not? And your taxes go toward that, and now you can use it. Just think of it as, using the money you earned.
    I am sorry that they are making it so awful that you can’t get anything done. Just keep trying, as hard as it is. Take breaks. Take baths (not too hot though! lol) and HANG IN THERE. Things will be okay. You are a smart woman with what sounds to be a wonderful partner. Things won’t always be perfect, but you will manage.
    Glad to see you back and writing… I miss reading your blog… and photos…… We are cheering for you!

    • I am not familiar with CHIPS but I will do some research on that. I have WIC which assists with nutritional stuff…and it has been helpful but I could give or take it at this point. I need the MEDICAL stuff! I am pretty quickly getting over the pride issue, but it has been hard. I have worked in health care and/or social work environments for years and I know that there is a stigma. I also know that MANY people who participate in these programs really don’t take advantage of them and really need them. And now here I am. It is really hard to come to terms with. I have never been on this end before.
      I appreciate the support. I feel like I have all of these dear, lovely women on my side all the time…which is really effing amazing!

      Happier post about pickles to follow soon!

  3. The Edge is definitely a place where you spend a lot of time during pregnancy. More than the bathroom, if that’s possible. It is indeed so frustrating! You’re in my thoughts. This too shall pass.

  4. I wouldn’t want to write witty things about fried pickles, either. I actually know what you’re going through. Been there, done that. The system does truly suck. I don’t know how it is set up where you live, but my only advice is to go down to the welfare office. They are supposed to give you a caseworker that will help you step-by-step through the process, you have meetings with them, and you turn your paperwork in directly to them. Doing things online and over the phone, faxing, emailing, or snail mail NEVER seemed to work for me. Even if you have to reapply when you go – do it.

    • and the Brooklynite is right! keep copies of EVERYTHING you turn in and EVERYTHING they give to you! it does save time.
      and make them look like the dumbasses they are.

    • Writing witty things about fried pickles in no way equals eating fried pickles.

      You will be happy to know, I am going to the office and am going to be as obnoxious and demanding as I possibly can until they help me. I did find out today that the idiot that I first spoke to and did my “interview” changed my entire application, thus falsifying it and getting it denied. HOORAY! I had to REAPPLY! Sheesh!

  5. I agree with so many of these comments! Keep copies and record dates of everything, including every phone call. If you can find an actual office nearby, go to it – sometimes things are so much better handled in person. You’ll get through this. There’s no reason to be embarrassed for utilizing Medicaid – this is exactly why it exists. You are not taking advantage of the system and it is not a blow to your pride in any way.

    And now I want fried pickles. And Zaxby’s. The fried pickles I can probably get my hands on, but the nearest Zaxby’s is eight hours away. Holy shit, I miss that place. I got hooked on it when we lived in Georgia!

    Good luck with everything!

  6. This is right up my alley. I applied for Medicaid today, actually. And this is my second time doing it. The exact same thing happened to me – where they requested info and then denied the claim and there was some mixup, whatever. GO IN TO THE OFFICE. Seriously. I know it’s a pain in the ass to wait in line, but waiting weeks to try and talk to someone on the phone will take longer. Go in, have them reopen the case, and ask for a receipt of everything you turn in. Ask what else you need to submit, get that, and go in the next day (or however long it takes you – but do it quick) and get another receipt for that. Be clear that this is an emergency application. If you are having more trouble with this, please email me and I can talk you through it. It’s a pain in the ass, I know. It took me something like 5 weeks to actually get approved. I went in to my 1st appt at 13 weeks. But at 6 months, this needs to happen ASAP.

    And if worse comes to worse (I have faith that you will get it) you can always do a birthing center or midwife. They are about the same price as what you would pay for an insurance deductible.

    One last thing – the day I got approved, I turned in my last piece of paperwork and asked when I would know yes or no, and the gal said it could be at the end of the day. I asked for a DIRECT NUMBER to her office so I could check on this. At first she gave me the regular Medicaid line, and I told her I could never get through. So I wanted to speak to her. And she gave it. I called every 15 minutes at the end of the day, leaving messages, asking to know the verdict so I could schedule my first appointment. Five minutes before they closed for the day, I finally got her on the phone, and she did it right then, and approved me.

    Hope that helps. Good luck, dear. And please don’t fret. xoxo

    • Ok, don’t hate me for leaving a post in your comments, but CHIP is Children’s Health Insurance Policy. With Medicaid, you will be covered until 2 months after giving birth, for your post-natal appt. The baby will be covered for one year. At one year, you will have to reapply. The cap for the amount you can make is much lower once the baby is here, so they then give you an application for CHIP. Based on your wages, they assign you an annual fee. Mine was $35. I think the max is $75 or something. Every regular well visit is free. Sick visits are $12. Rx’s are $8. It’s amazing. We went to the ER the other day and it was $50. Don’t freak if Medicaid runs out, b/c CHIP is great. It just doesn’t work in other states. So if you go on vacation, you’ll have to pay out-of-pocket. Found that out the hard way.

  7. I don’t have a lot of experience with govt insurance, except that it seems that everything that is run by the govt always has 15 billion more hoops to jump through than anywhere else. I always find that persistence is best. The squeaky wheel gets the oil!

  8. I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time with getting insurance. You will definitely be in my thoughts. Trying not to sound preachy and hope it doesn’t come across that way, but have you considered having your baby at a birth center? Generally speaking, they work with women all the time that don’t have insurance and their rates are much less than what a hospital birth would cost. They also do prenatal care and check ups. If there is one in your area it would be worth looking into. Please let me know if I can do anything to help!

    • I actually didn’t know that until yesterday and I really will look into it. I wasn’t even aware that birthing centers were any different than giving birth in a hospital, so it will definitely be worth a look. (I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!) Thanks for the advice, because I need to do something SUPER quick!!!

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