Well, ladies and gents, I have news.

I am pregnant! I know this comes as a shock to all of you, but I thought that you guys should be the first to know.

Okay, okay. So the Medicaid thing? Total crap. As it turns out, what I did not send sufficient evidence of was…you know…everything. I was told by the heinous bitch that I first spoke to at the Medicaid office, that I would need to submit proof of pregnancy. (I thought about sending the pee-soaked test, but then thought better of it.) I obtained actual copies of my records from the OB/GYN and sent them via fax (about 47 times) to the medicaid office. Where they were received and then promptly ignored for 22 days until I made my 17th call to the office and finally reached, you guessed it, A HUMAN BEING. This phone call also proved to be less than fruitful and I was told that my case worker (what? I have a case worker?!) would call me back and discuss my case since absolutely NO ACTION had been taken…Like…AT ALL.

Days pass. I get antsy. I check the website 432 times until one fateful day, it reads “Medicaid – Denied”.

DENIED?!

You guys know about this and have given me a ton of very useful advice.

After another many, many painful phone calls and hold-times with the Medicaid office, I was able to talk to someone who was not a heinous bitch but who was almost as helpful as a log, and who told me that the reason for the denial was due to several reasons.

1. MB was added to the application (at the direction and BY the heinous bitch who did my original phone interview) and should not have been.

2. The ENTIRE MEDICAL RECORD that I sent to the office was not sufficient proof that I am pregnant.

Okay. Fine. What do I have to do now, you ask?

I have to go to a health center, where they will not let me make an appointment, and I have to sit there for 3.5 hours only to pee in a cup (AGAIN), be asked several times why I am there and if I know for sure I am pregnant and how I know for sure (HELLO, SIX MONTH BELLY!) and then speak with a nurse for 4 minutes. (And mostly, not about my pregnancy but my previous job. From which I was FIRED. Because I am pregnant. And now very obviously so. But I digress.) The nurse signed a slip of paper stating that I am indeed pregnant and directed me to send it to the Medicaid office.

And yes. The whole system is a total joke. But steps have been taken and hopefully within the next two weeks, I can see an actual doctor and make sure that this little bean is healthy! Holy Jeebus, this is ridiculous. But I am not giving up, guys and gals. Imma have this baby, all proper-like.

Dammit.