Flavor of Love (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions because I find that…well…they are a joke. I fool myself into thinking that because the calendar changes, so will I. Well, that’s just unrealistic. But now that I am growing up (at 32) and becoming a mom (pretty reluctantly, at first, I might add), I’ve decided to make up for all those missed resolutions and start changing for the better. Because this time, it isn’t for me, but for my new Baby L.  So, totally worth it.

1. Stop talking like a sailor. I say “fuck” a lot. I have to stop that because I most definitely do NOT want a toddler running around, dropping the “f-bomb” in grocery stores and churches and stuff. I am a civilized person, for fuck’s sake! I should talk like one!

2. Stop referring to my old roommate as “c*ck juggling thunder c*nt” (at least outloud). That is not her name. And even though I rarely speak of her, I have to remember that this phrase is most definitely worse than the f-bomb. Toddlers should not say either of these c-words. Ever. (And really, neither should I…they kind of gross me out, but so does my old roommate.)

3. I will no longer partake in “liquid dinner”. I will have to recognize that moms should eat actually food. Not wine. Wine is not a food and does not constitute as dinner. (Dammit.)

4. I will try and curb my trash TV addiction. This shouldn’t be as hard as one might think. I mean, let’s face it, internet, without “Rock of Love” and “Flavor of Love“, reality TV just isn’t the same anyway…(I miss you Flav and Bret…I do…)

5. I will clean the bathroom more. I hate scrubbing the bathtub. I HATE IT. It hurts my back and makes me cranky. But, because I love my daughter and don’t want her to develop some sort of fungus, I will do it. Weekly, even. (The things we do for love…)

There are a few more things that I need to work on, like continuing to be a non-smoker and shielding my kid from people who will make up stupid nicknames for her or teach her phrases like, “Talk to the hand…” (I swear to JEEBUS, that was never funny, not even when little kids did it! And it was like 20 years ago, people! Just let it GO…) But I think these listed were the big ones for the time being. And it is good to start small, I think. Right?

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