1. Since Baby L has discovered her limbs, there is no possible way to have a bath that doesn’t end in one or both parents soaked in baby bath water. Kicking water is, evidently, one of the most enjoyable things that ever happens. EVER.

2. All of my clothes smell like spit up. This is nauseating and requires hours and hours of laundry per week. Because, you know, the INSTANT you put on something clean, you are going to get puked on.

3. Babies love bizarre looking stuffed toys that crinkle, honk, or jingle. And if they can put any part of them into their tiny mouths, they will. And there will be slobber on EVERYTHING.

4.Cloth diapering, while it was a great idea, did not happen. Mostly because I cannot imagine having to do more laundry. And she pees like a river.

5. My boobs are still massive. I thought this would go away. Why isn’t this going away?

6. I feel like a mom. And not just in the dutiful, robotic way. Like, I want to scold children in stores and comfort crying babies (ones that aren’t mine). And pinch cheeks. I can’t resist cheeks.

7. I can’t tell if my baby is teething now or if she just has an affinity for spit on her face. And her clothes. And her hands. And her family.

8. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get. I want more. I want to sleep for days and days. I vaguely remember these things that I used to do sometimes. I believe they were called “naps”.

9. I have yet to lose all of my baby weight. I really thought, because I have always felt the need to be thinner, that this would bother me more than it does. I sometimes glance in the mirror at myself and scowl, but then I look at my kid…and then I remember that “holy shit, I don’t care”.

10. Life is pretty good right now. I’m a pretty lucky gal.