Dear Lilah,

This letter is a little late. You are a little over three months old now. You are just getting over your first cold, which has caused me so much anxiety, this letter was the furthest thing from my mind. Besides that, I really didn’t have time to write it because I was constantly calling the nurse or on-call doctor to make sure that you didn’t have whooping cough, you know, or leprosy. (Your mother, as you may well know, is sort of a crazy person…but it is all out of love. And, you know, maybe a tiny bit of chemical imbalance…)

You’ve been rather fussy during this last week or so, due I’m sure, to the amount of snot you are storing in your face. But it is still a really cute face. So, I hardly mind sucking snot out of it with that bulbous thing that sort of scares me. (I sometimes feel like your brain might somehow turn to complete mush and I will accidently suck it right out and into that weird bulb…and that would be bad on the whole “good/bad scale”.) You had been sleeping through the night for several weeks (because your mother is a genius and bought the most amazing baby sleeping contraption known to man…) but since you have been sick, you basically just want to play or cry. Sleeping happens at night, but it is not really something that you do willingly. It is something that, either, you can’t help but do because you have fought naptime all day and you, despite your resistance, just can’t stay awake any longer, or something that you are helped to do by a little thing called “Childrens’ Benadryl”. I will say that I was very reluctant to give this to you, but I was advised by two (count ‘em, TWO) pediatricians that this would not hurt you if given a small dose and it would also help you (and me) to get some sleep. It works and it is glorious. I have given you three doses , total, but sometimes I feel that I should also dose myself. Because after I give it to you, I lie awake and obsess over the fact that I’ve just given you medicine. And then I listen to you breathe. You know, just to make sure.

In other news, you are doing some pretty adorable things:

1. You are almost rolling over. This confuses me, because you actually rolled over a few times when you were about 4 weeks old. But then you stopped doing it. Almost like you didn’t want to make me think that you were a genius right off the bat, so you had to slow your role so I didn’t expect too much. Whatever. You are starting again. And it is pretty rad.
2. Yesterday, you held your bottle and ate by yourself for FIVE MINUTES. I don’t know when you are supposed to be able to do that, so I ran around the house looking for someone to witness it. Your grandmother and I are convinced that you are a child prodigy in the making.
3. You like to take naps in mommy and daddy’s bed. You sleep on your side and you are probably the most beautiful thing that was ever invented.
4. You giggled at your reflection in the mirror twice the other day. I cried because you are so cute/smart/awesome.
5. You like to try and eat this Jacksonville Jaguars blanket/stuffed animal thing that you got from a lady at the hospital on the day you were born. It is very soft. You really like soft things on your face.
6. You like it when I kiss the bottoms of your feet. And, just so you know, I hate feet. But yours are completely edible. And I probably WOULD have eaten them if it weren’t really wrong to do that…and probably illegal.
7. You are the only kid I have ever seen who gets excited when laid on the changing table. You smile like crazy when it is time for a new diaper. But you don’t cry when you are wet.
8. You always smile at me when I pick you up from your sleeper in the morning. It is the kind of smile that makes my heart melt all the way through. You are so genuinely excited to see me. Maybe ALMOST as excited as I am to see YOU. (Although, this is doubtful.)
9. You are liking baths more and more. You have learned to splash. You should be called “Crazy Legs”. I think that your dad and I walk away more soaked than you.
10. When you are sleeping and your pacifier falls out of your mouth, you sometimes still make the sucking motion with your mouth for several seconds. And it makes me giggle.

This afternoon, you fought your nap for such a long time and then after your bottle, you fell right to sleep in my lap, just like you did when you were brand new. And, of course, I cried a little. Because, that’s what mommies do.

As always, I am totally in love with you. More than I thought I could be with any other person. Except your dad. Because, if I’m being completely honest, you guys are what I live for. (Just a little reminder.)

Until next time…

All of my love,

Mom