Sleep? What is THAT?


sleep (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

So, MB and I have had this kind of unspoken agreement that I will get up with Baby L should she wake in the middle of the night, since he, after all, has to wake up before 5 am to make it to work on time. This went really well for months because Baby L rarely woke up during the night and I was functioning at approximately 95% (depending on how many glasses of wine I’d had after the wee one went to sleep). Now that Baby L is waking up 3,025 times per night and I am knocked up, cranky and totally exhausted, this arrangement is just pissing me off.

I know that MB has to work. And I know that he is doing so to assure that I don’t have to and that I can, like I had wanted to, stay home with Baby L and not miss any of the cool things she learns to do. (On this list of cool things, however, I did not include “learning how not to nap and then get terribly angry and stay that way for the rest of the day”.) And I genuinely appreciate this. I really do. But, internet, I am freaking tired. And not the normal, I have a baby kind of tired. It is the “I have a baby and I am currently growing another one WAY too soon” tired and I am not sure what to do about it. On the one hand, I feel like waking MB up in the middle of the night by banging on his head with rattles and the like. On the other hand I feel like I should really just respect that this is the path that I chose. I am the full-time SAHM and I am responsible for the baby stuff at night so that my wonderful husband can go to work and function properly in the morning.

And because Baby L has been a crazy, weirdo when it comes to sleeping lately, and she usually (always, at least for a couple of hours a night) ends up in the bed with us, I feel even MORE uncomfortable than I would normally be. With or without this new parasite.

I’ve tried to nap. But I am back on the insomnia train. You know the one, ladies, where the minute you actually have time to sleep, you can’t. Because your body hates you. Either that, or I fall into a deep, delicious slumber and Baby L starts to scream like someone is peeling her skin off. Because not only does my body hate me, it appears that my child also hates me.

I am starting to wonder if I will ever sleep again. I remember wondering this when I was pregnant with Baby L, but…this? This is much, much worse. What is a mama to do?


16 thoughts on “Sleep? What is THAT?

  1. I can empathize. And unless your husband is a total cad, he will, too. Let him help more on weekend nights so that you can catch up, or even one night during the week. I’m not a full-time SAHM but I still felt like I had to “protect” my husband’s sleep at the cost of my own. It will be ok.

  2. I also went/go through this. Sometimes I even feel resentful when he sleeps and I am up AGAIN with J*. But there were/are many nights he does get up some of the time, and we also had a sort of unspoken agreement that he slept in Sat and I slept in Sunday…but lately, he sleeps on the couch because the bed hurts his back, so I’ll drop her off on him when she wakes up and sometimes she’ll go back to sleep. But sometimes she doesn’t, and he ends up getting up and letting me sleep. I don’t think they always realize that, especially when your kid gets mobile, being home with them all day can be exhausting in its own way.

    • Yeah, I totally find myself getting resentful. And even MORE so when he gets a little frustrated on the two nights a week that HE has to get up (and not even EVERY TIME, mind you, just every OTHER time). I really don’t think they realize how hard being a SAHM actually is. I surely didn’t think it would be this exhausting. My husband has an UBER physical job though, so I try really hard to understand, but I am about to start laying down that “I’M MAKING A PERSON!!!” card.

      • Wow. It’s like we’re the same people. Hubby’s job is also physical, and while I know that he may not be directing his frustration at me, per se, I …don’t like it. Like, “Who are you to get mad?” LOL

      • Ha! Exactly! It makes me want to wait until he is fast asleep and then beat him with someone and see how he likes it. But then I don’t really want to do that. And I realize that I am a hormonal mess…lol…But I don’t like it either.

  3. I’m wondering if Baby L hasn’t been sleeping because she’s over-tired? I’d try an earlier bedtime for her, perhaps, maybe with like extra soothing music and a sleepy time bath with a massage or something? Vibratey something-or-other under her sleeping surface? I know that Doodle had a rough time when my milk supply started to diminish around 9 months, could it be something like that and she’s just not getting full enough before bed?

    Also, you *are* growing a baby while taking care of an infant who doesn’t sleep. Maybe if he can’t help with the nighttime on his work nights, can he let you catch a few z’s when he comes home from work. While your job doesn’t bring in actual income, it’s still a job, and you can’t do it without some level of rest.

    • The sleeping thing…I have tried cluster feeding, I have tried earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes, sleep feedings, more naps, fewer naps, noise machines, no noise machines, I mean, it is like total insanity over here. I have read that sometimes babies have issues with sleep when they are about to hit a milestone, like crawling or walking (and the obvious when teething). Currently, Baby L is trying really hard to crawl and I think it will be any day now (I’m not sure if you follow me on FB, but she did actually crawl backwards for the first time today) so I think that it could be that, at least in part. She does well until she realizes that I am not next to her in her crib. And then she is ready to scream her head off. It is really strange and I am really hoping it is just a phase. But I am going to keep trying. The ped did say that she could have a bit of separation anxiety and that this will work itself out…so…I am not really sure what else to do!
      As far as ME sleeping, I know…I need my rest. And it isn’t that MB doesn’t allow me the time away from the baby TO sleep when he gets home. It is this: We live with my in-laws right now. There is MB’s mom, sister and her 5-year-old son. We currently share a room with Baby L. In order for me to nap, I have to be in our room, which is also where Baby L would nap. Which wouldn’t be an issue, you know, if she actually DID nap. (she does fake us out a lot, so if I am trying to sleep and MB gets her to sleep and then brings her into the room to put her into the crib, 5 minutes later, she wakes up wailing and then, ta-da! I am awake.) I am at that stage in my pregnancy now where I cannot have any disturbances while I sleep or I wake up and STAY up…so it isn’t really all him…it is a combination of a LOT.
      Whoa, that was long…sorry!

      • Don’t apologize, lady. Let it out! Can you try specifically putting L in bed with you for a nap, all cuddly and stuff? Might be worth a few steps back to get her back to good restful sleep.

      • That, we do. And sometimes it works and other times, she slaps me repeatedly in the face or sticks her little sausage fingers up my nose. (Also, and this made me giggle, autocorrect just changed nose to Jose.) she just does what she wants! But I’m not giving up yet!

      • Haha, little sausage fingers up your Jose, that is fantastic. 🙂 I don’t know, there’s got to be something you can do! Or maybe MB or mama-in-law could play with her during a not naptime so you could nap a little without waking up to screeching babe? Or does she like being bundled and is too squirmy to stay tucked? Or maybe it’s a diaper issue? Feels wet, itchy, tight? We had a wedge thing under the crib mattress to keep Doodle elevated for a while, he wouldn’t sleep without it for a few months… Is she wanting to sleep on her belly? She might be right around the age that Doodle started sleeping on his belly. It’s so hard, when they’re little and that tired, it’s hard to get any cues as to what she’d need other than all of your energy.

      • I just don’t know! I have seriously tried everything! She usually immediately rolls to her side if she is sleeping good. So…I really just don’t know!!! So frustrating. I am sure it will pass. I wa thinking about taking the elevation out of her crib and see if that works. Uuuggghhhh.
        For the love of Jose! What’s a girl to do?!

  4. Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I was there and I don’t want to go back when I start thinking about having a second, but that’s life. It feels like eternity and you hate everyone for telling you to sleep when the baby does. You get pissed because its much and I mean much harder to deal with then work. Why? Because everyone who works or who has worked as an adult can ignore people. Babies, you can not ignore.

  5. reading this made me shudder….remembering what it was like to be pregnant….

    Have you tired sleep training Baby L? really helped me with how sleep training Henry. It sucked for a few days, but honeslty when they’re not sleeping it sucks anyway. He’s done really well with it, and we’ve had very few problems since sleep training him.

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