To Work, Or Not to Work

Yo Gabba Gabba!

Yo Gabba Gabba! (Photo credit: Faceless Librarian)

I’ve been thinking a lot about going back to work.

Not because I am not enjoying being puked on and yelled at by tiny people all day or anything. And not because I don’t love “Yo Gabba Gabba” or waking up in the middle of the night with L to play. Or doing 37 daily loads of laundry. Because these things are fine. And the baby snuggles make all of that totally worth it.

Honestly, though, I think that, with MB working the schedule that he currently is, we’re just stretching ourselves too thin. We would both like to go back to school as soon as possible and we would like to have a lot more time to spend together and with the kids as a family. But right now, there just isn’t any time. I see MB for no more than one hour per night (usually at around 9 PM) and then one day per week, he is off. (And that doesn’t happen EVERY week.) So, that ONE DAY, we have to squeeze in all of the chores that we haven’t gotten to during the week, any family time we want to have, fun things with the kids, any alone time we might get, sleeping, and visiting with other members of the family. I don’t know if anyone told you, internet, but days only contain 24 hours. And that’s not a whole lot of hours for all that stuff. Considering that I haven’t yet figured out how to do anything else while also sleeping. (Which, seriously, you guys, would be amazeballs and I would be SUCH A ROCKSTAR if I could learn how to do that.) MB gets to spend so little time with the kids and I know that it is killing him to miss all the fun stuff that they are learning to do every day. But it is stressful on me too. And I am sure those of you who are SAHMs can agree that this job is super hard in and of itself. And I am sure that you will also agree that having a partner, even just in the evenings and on weekends doesn’t relieve all of the stress of the day, but it helps Mommy to be sane. And that, my friends, is important. Because if Mommy is wearing a straight-jacket, who is going to make the mac and cheese?

MB’s job is demanding. The pay is pretty good. But it is hardly worth having to sacrifice our time as a family to have a few extra dollars that we don’t have time to spend. It has been really hard on all of us.  But I really don’t know what the solution is at this point.

I am really not at all interested in putting my kids in daycare. In fact, I am super opposed to it. Not because all daycares are bad or scary or whatever, but because of my own experience in childhood. I have almost ZERO memories of hanging out with either of my parents when I was small. I remember my grandparents. And my uncle. And a daycare. And it wasn’t a bad childhood and that is not at all what I am saying. I just want my kids to have memories of…you know…ME. Playing with them. Taking them to the zoo. Playing hopscotch on the driveway. Not doing all of those things solely with other people. I want to be the one they remember. Or, I at least want to play a larger role than my parents did in my early years. (This was not their fault. My dad was in culinary school in New York and my mom was working full-time for next to nothing to keep us fed…) And I wouldn’t even mind so much if I was a close second to their dad. Because, obvs, that is equally important.

So, I am back on the hunt for a job. Ideally, one of us will work and the other will stay home with the kids and go to school. And I guess, what it comes down to, is that whichever one of us can make the most money will work, and the other will stay home and possibly work part-time if need be. I just don’t want to settle for some job that sucks all of the life out of me and leaves nothing for my littles. Because I am doing everything for them. I don’t want them to have memories of an overworked, miserable lady. And I don’t want MB to be that guy either. In a perfect world, I would be working from home, MB would work part-time and stay home with the kids while taking some classes on-line and we could just…SPEND SOME EFFING TIME TOGETHER. Hell, I’ve almost forgotten what he looks like.

Send us some good juju, internet. We just have to figure it all out. I just want my family. Together.

 

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19 thoughts on “To Work, Or Not to Work

  1. Ugh, I hear ya. I’m thinking about going down to part-time so I have more time with the family. Currently, we have no off days together and it’s really wearing us both down. Good luck and I hope you find something perfect for your needs right now! If you win the lottery, toss me a couple thousand, would ya? ♥

  2. “Because if mommy is wearing the straight jacket, who is going to make the mac and cheese?” Perfect.
    Good luck on the job hunt! I love being able to stay at home, but I sure do miss a paycheck!!

  3. I can once again soooo relate to your post. The sanity is important!!!! We have chosen to priorities time (my husband works and earns 75% now, i work fulltime but no overtime now after 3 yrs at home), which means choosing a bit how to use our money. (But as daycare here is heavily subsidized by the gov, it’s not that bad). But it is intensive like this too, even if my husband is around in the evenings too. It is a damn puzzle to fit it all in, isn’t it?

  4. What type of work would you be looking for? I don’t like the idea of childcare either and I have been lucky enough to have been able to stay home with my son because we run our own business but as that is becoming busier and busier and my son is becoming busier and busier I know I am going to need childcare at some point :-/ Thanks for posting your thoughts!x

    • My main area of expertise is office management (more specifically medical office management) but I am open to really anything that would afford me a level of flexibility that I could manage. I would LOVE to do something from home and have applied for some jobs with great companies and am hoping that I get somewhere with that. Child are just scares me on so many levels! And we’ve been so fortunate so far so I’m really just…hoping for the best!

      • Childcare scares me on many many levels too and that’s coming from the daughter of a baby nursery manager! Before I had my son I always thought that it’s a great thing, but now I am not so sure… I just don’t want anyone to look after him that doesn’t love him as much as I do!!:(

  5. We are in the exactly the same situation. I sympathize, I really really do. And, I have nothing to contribute because we don’t know what to do ourselves. Though I wish I had something useful to say.
    Don’t worry. If we ever win the lottery, I’ll write you a big check for being my mommyblog go-to. For now … Sending you good juju!

    • 1. The lottery thing? Back at you! Holy shitballs, I would get the best nanny ever. And then I would sit there and watch her take care of my kids. Because I couldn’t do it anyway… Uggghhh….
      2. I’m really flattered to be someone’s mommy blog go-to!!! Thank you!!!

  6. I am tired of being a stay-at-home mom, what does it say about me? I would love to work and spend quality time with my girls and my husband who happens to work away. This isn’t working for us and it is wearing me down. I have no solutions for you but I wish you all the best in your endeavour!

    • Seriously. The hardest job EVAR. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be a SAHM, but some days, I’d rather do anything else. Anything. And I don’t think that’s abnormal. So, to answer your question, I think it says you’re human. It’s a rough one. I hope you work it out too! I wish we could have it both ways…

  7. It’s such a tough call. I work from home so I can be a SAHM during the day and then work at night and STILL I have a rough time not just ditching work when the kid is crying etc. Sigh. Us moms. The things we do!

  8. I totally relate. My husband and I work polar opposite schedules. It was great for child care when we only had one, but now is just old. We’re both strung out and sick of feeling like single parents.
    I don’t know what the answer is. I do know I’ve read several times that the first year after the birth of the second kid is the toughest on a marriage ever. Yeah. I get that.

    • I can totally see how this could be the toughest year on a marriage. I think we fluctuate between wanting to stab each other and being to tired to want to stab each other. I have to believe that the universe will work it out and that we will survive it all. But some days, it just makes me want to break stuff. Haha.

  9. It’s hard to know which side of the spectrum is better. I think the grass is always greener – both me and my hubby work full time, so our son is in daycare. i was scared about – but financially, we just didn’t have a choice. And now, i love his school and feel like he’s getting a lot of interaction and learning stuff, socializing with other kids his age and maybe I wouldn’t be as good at making all that happen for him if i were home all the time. I think all of us moms are searching for that happy middle ground where we get family time but we get some adult/us time as well and i know i haven’t found it yet. *sigh* It’s hard. I hope you can find what you are looking for…and avoid the straight jacket. I do love me some mac & cheese.

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