Tag Archives: Milestones

Updates and a Liebster!

I can’t believe how long it has been since I have had the time to sit down and actually write a post! Between all the out of town visitors hese past couple of weeks, Baby L’s baptism and just the general craziness that is my life, I just either haven’t been motivated or just haven’t felt like I could put anything down into a coherent post. And yes, despite my sailor mouth and my indifference about religion in general, I had Baby L baptized. Because her great grandparents would have wanted it that way and nothing would have made them more proud. But I won’t get into all of that stuff, because I don’t want to get all mushy on y’all after such a long time without any posts. That seems unfair.

A couple of things.

1. I hope that you guys are exercising today, if you haven’t already, your right to vote. I haven’t gotten out to the polls yet, but I will be there soon. And if I have to, I will drag this baby with me and I will stand there for as long as it takes. Because this, my bloggy friends, is important. But you know that. Because you are all awesome.

2. I’m not used to saying, “my husband”. It makes me feel like a fake. But then, saying “my daughter” still makes me feel a little weird too.

3. You can imagine my surprise yesterday when I realized that I was given the Liebster Award from Eileen over at Giving Her All She’s Got ! You know, considering that I haven’t posted in, like, a year or something. (Oops!) Thank you so much, lady! So, here’s the scoop:

The Liebster Blog Award rules are:

1) Answer the 11 questions written by your nominator.
2) Nominate 11 7 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers.

3) Write 11 of your own questions for each nominee to answer.

So, here are my questions from Eileen!

  1. What is your favorite post you have written?

This is a hard one for me. I don’t often re-read my posts because…well…I don’t have time. I guess that there are several that I really like, but I think my favorite today would be this one because it reminds me of that time, just before Baby L was born, when I was finally coming to grips with things. And it took a while, believe me. If you follow my blog and have for any period of time, then you are well aware that I was not the happiest about getting knocked up. My, how things have changed.

2. Why did you begin blogging?

I began blogging a little over a year ago after finding out I was pregnant. I was miserable, scared, and generally blah. And I thought that having some sort of honest outlet would help me cope with the changes I was about to go through. I felt I couldn’t be completely honest about my feelings with friends and family because I didn’t think that anyone would understand my fear. Or that I wasn’t all glowing and super excited.

3. Why do you blog now?

First of all, I don’t know if you could call what I do “blogging” at this point, because I rarely get to do any of it. But the real reason this blog is still in existence is because of you guys. Seriously, I never thought when starting this blog, that I would “meet” so many awesome women (and men) who felt things similar to what I was feeling. We all have so many different outlooks on things but so many things that we can learn from each other too. I swear to Jeebus, if I hadn’t started this blog, I’m not sure I would have made it through. And I am so grateful for all of my readers. I appreciate every last one of you. So, I blog because you read. And because I feel a sense of community and overwhelming support here. And I can speak freely. Thanks, guys. You rock my face off.

4. What is your favorite date night activity?

Before I was pregnant, (and then had a kid) MB and I used to just go to dive bars and drink cheap beer. And this, to me, was the most glorious thing ever. But after child, I can only ask for a good meal at a nice restaurant, some good wine, and some cuddling. Because, I am a simple gal and MB is a great cuddler.

5. You have an entire day to yourself, what do you do with it?

Oh. My. God. I can’t even imagine this! What wouldn’t I do? Go to a farmers market without a diaper bag. Drink lattes at a coffee shop without a stroller. Read a book. Get a massage. A pedicure. I could go on…

6. If you could give one piece of advice to other moms, what would it be?

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Motherhood is super hard work, and sometimes you will feel like an idiot. And sometimes you will feel like a superhero. And sometimes you will be so tired that you can’t see straight. But you will get through it. And you will do so knowing that you are doing the most important work in the world.

7. Imagine you went back in time to talk to your 18-year-old self, what would you tell her?

Oh man. I barely remember that girl…I would tell her not to rule anything out. To not be so afraid of the world. Or making the wrong choices. Mistakes are inevitable. But what matters is how you come back from them. I would tell her to be free. (But not too free.) And to appreciate every day with the ones she loves.

8. What Christmas tradition have you developed in your family that you love?

A couple things on Christmas.

a) My favorite person in the universe died on Christmas day.

b) It is also my birthday.

c) So, I haven’t really enjoyed Christmas in about ten years. So, this year is where all of that sadness ends and I am actually looking forward to STARTING traditions with my new little family. And I think that my daughter makes it a little bit easier to let go of the bad stuff and focus on making it a joyful time.

9. Any pets?

I had a wonderful cat named Ernge up until about four months ago. I wasn’t able to keep him through the move. And it still breaks my heart. He was one of my true loves.

10. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

I probably always would have answered this question with “my sense of humor” in the past. And I do like that in myself. But, over the past year, I have realized that, contrary to what I have always believed about myself, I am brave. I have overcome a lot. Not just because of things documented here, but this whole parenting thing has made me realize that I’m pretty effing strong. And sort of a kick-ass, fearless sort of broad. Who knew?

11. What did you study in school?

Ha! What DIDN’T I study in school!? I am a perpetual student. I have worked full-time since I was 18 and have been in and out of college for YEARS. My major is listed as English. That’s about the most I can tell you…

And now (drumroll please…) for the blogs!

1. Mother 27 and Still Terrified. I love this blog. Love. The most recent post is a poem written for her son, Jonah, and it melted my little mommy heart.

2. Bellisimom. A blog I have been following almost since the beginning. Good reads and I SO love all the pictures of her little man! (I should really post more pictures, no?)

3. & Squatch Makes Three. Also one of the first blogs I started following. Also one of the only daddy blogs I follow, but it is truly a great (and hilarious) read. Love!

4. Shotgun Fetus. Seriously. I love this lady! Since we started blogging, we’ve both had babies and gotten married (not necessarily in that order…ahem…). She’s a burlesque mommy, you guys!

5. Kathryn Finding Balance. Oh, what can I say about Kathryn? She’s freaking amazing and she blows my mind all the time. Her blog is not about pregnancy, but guess who just started her own pregnancy journey!

6. Dear #$&!% Baby. This blog is hilarious. And you probably follow it already. As you should.

7. Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas. She said recently that we are the East/West Coast versions of each other. I an inclined to agree. We even had babies, like, two days apart!

Here is where I start cheating. Because, it is banana time. And that’s an important time of day. If you guys feel like participating, feel free to answer the questions above on your blog!

 

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Hitched

Las Vegas, Nevada

Fremont Street, the site of the ZIP!

Well, we did it, internet! We went to Las Vegas and got hitched! And yes, Elvis walked me down the aisle and sang to Baby L. And it was so effing awesome. Obviously, when you’re in Vegas, there is an Elvis on every corner and the odds of getting a good one are, well, kind of slim in my opinion. And I don’t think we got the best Elvis there was (I am pretty sure he used shoe polish to paint on some of his hair), but I didn’t even care about that. Because the wedding was exactly what I had hoped: Lighthearted. Fun. A good story to tell the grandkids .A good amount of cheesiness. It was definitely all of those things. We laughed our faces off and we left the chapel a legit married couple. And, really, what more could I ask for?

Baby L was an angel on the flights to and from Vegas. There were only a couple of points where she started to spaz a little. And who could be mad at that? I kind of felt like screaming my face off a couple of times, myself. Because, seriously, sitting in a tiny seat for 5 hours and not being able to move AT ALL makes my body hurt. (Thanks, Baby L, for destroying my hips and making it impossible for me to sit/stand/walk/lie down for any extended period of time.) And having strangers breathing on me, well, that isn’t really one of my favorite things either…

I wasn’t able to do a lot of things that I wanted to while I was in Vegas. Mainly because, the day that we got there, my throat started hurting like I had attempted to swallow sandpaper (gotta love germy, enclosed spaces!). I spent a lot of time with my mom, sister, and Baby L in the condo while MB and his brother and sister explored the strip. Which didn’t really bother me, because I had already seen it and they hadn’t. But I did a little gambling, I ate a little deliciousness, I walked a whole lot in and around beautiful, ornate hotels, and I visited the top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, and I fucking ziplined! (I can’t believe I almost forgot that!) I felt pretty accomplished, being that I am not usually one to try flying through the air, attached to a wire, but I figured that I had to do it. After all, MB’s brother and sister bungee jumped off of the Stratosphere. And comparatively, I still suck.

Here are a few highlights:

1. MB’s brother started out as his normal self: A douche canoe. But eventually joined the land of the un-douchey and we ended up not killing each other, and, on the contrary are right back on track. (I’ve known him about ten years longer than I have known MB and we were friends quite a long time before the douchiness started. But I suppose that depends on who you ask. I have some friends who might say I was just blind to it all those years. Until we knew we were going to be family.) This was really a relief. Because the last thing that I wanted was for MB to feel like he couldn’t spend time with his wife and brother at the same time. That is just stupid. I think he was less inclined to be douchey because his ridiculous girlfriend wasn’t there. She tends to bring out the worst in everyone.

2. Baby L saw the Las Vegas strip! She was totally in awe of everything and she was just amazing (until she got tired and we were sitting in a burger place inside the Paris hotel and she started screaming her face off. But, Daddy has the magic touch.) Granted, she won’t remember this. But she will have a picture with Elvis to commemorate. MB and I might be really embarrassing parents.

3. Speaking of Daddy’s magic touch: MB somehow contracted MRSA while we were gone and cannot touch ANYTHING or ANYONE until otherwise advised by a doctor. I am not going to get into how skeeved out the idea of MRSA is to me. And I’m not going to admit to how many loads of laundry I have done in the past 48 hours. But I will tell you, having baby duty 24 hours a day without even so much as someone to HOLD her, on top of being sick myself? NO FUN. I’m hoping that MB’s nastiness clears up soon so that I can get a little help. But also, you know, so he doesn’t die.

4. My mom is obsessed with El Pollo Loco and I am pretty sure that the only reason she goes to Las Vegas is to eat chicken. Fast food chicken.

5. MB bought a guitar to fill with alcohol and carry around the strip. I obviously was not present when this was purchased. But mission accomplished. HAMMERED MB.

6. My sister, MB and I stumbled into a bar at three in the morning one night, where we may have been the only tourists. It was totally creepy. And a weird bunch of people bought us shots. We were fairly certain that, if we didn’t leave immediately, we would wake up in a meth den or something. We escaped. Then we ate Fat Burgers.

7. My hair stayed curly for several days in Las Vegas. I was fairly certain it would be as it is in Florida, and curl beautifully, stay for 13.5 minutes and then, before you can blink, return to stick straight. I told the hairdresser that if my hair stayed, I would move to Las Vegas. And two days later, I was almost in tears because I had to finally wash it.

8. My good friend Ricky was able to make the trip from San Diego and hang out with us during and after the wedding. I had a GREAT time with him and was SO glad that at least ONE of my friends could make the trip!

9. MB has the travel bug now. He’s already trying to plan our next getaway. This time, it will most likely NOT involve that amount of alcohol. Any siblings. Or a fillable guitar.

10. Thanks to all of YOU for the congratulations! I’m so happy to be home and so happy to have officially married my best friend!

That was the longest/shortest vacation of my life. And the only souvenirs I returned with are an empty Eiffel Tower which used to hold frozen drink deliciousness and a defective husband! Okay, maybe not defective. But definitely diseased. Gross.

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Thou Shalt Not Cut (Your Mother)

Very, very soon, MB, Baby L and I will be on vacation in Las Vegas, staying at a condo with my mom. My mom has graciously assumed the role of designated baby watcher while we are there, considering that MB and I will not only be on our first vacation, but also kind of on our honeymoon. I am super grateful that she has offered to do this. And that she will be there, because I for one, could definitely NOT leave and go on vacation WITHOUT Baby L because I would be stricken with guilt the whole time. And I would miss her little cheeks so much, I’m sure I would be on the first flight back home. That said, there are some things that worry me about my mom watching the baby. Not because she isn’t totally capable and competent, but because this baby is MINE. And I, like my mother, am sort of a crazy control freak. (To my credit, however, I don’t think I am quite as bad as my mom. If I were, I wouldn’t be able to hack my current living situation with the grace that I have thus far.) But two crazy control freaks, in one place, with one defenseless little lady…well, this could be bad. But I know my baby better than my mom does. Whether or not she raised two kids already. That was a bazillion years ago, mom, and my baby is an INDIVIDUAL.

20121011-102107.jpgFor instance, when we started rice cereal a few weeks ago, you first told me that I should mix it in with her bottle at night and it would help her sleep. A couple of things:

1. The doctor advised against giving her cereal in the bottle and suggested I spoon feed because there is less chance that she will aspirate cereal. Aspirating cereal does not sound like fun. Especially for a baby, who cannot say, “HELP! I have aspirated cereal!”

2. Cereal does not help this baby sleep. Infact, quite the opposite. MY baby likes to stay awake for 4 hours AFTER nighttime cereal. Did you hear that, Mom?! FOUR HOURS. For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE MY BABY CEREAL AT NIGHT. I will murder you.

I am sure that when I advise my mom of this, she will not take my word for it but decide that she needs to see for herself. Then Baby L will be up at 3am, squirming around and NOT SLEEPING. And then my mom will bitch all of the next day because she didn’t get any sleep.

And then I will cut her.

The end.

Airplane Panic

Diaper Change in the Sky

Diaper Change in the Sky (Photo credit: andycarvin)

In less than a week, MB, Baby L and I will be taking our first vacation as a family. Am I super excited? Hell yes. Am I freaking out a little? Hell YES.

This might come as a shock to you, given how much I loved kids before I had one, but I have never traveled with an infant before. Before I had Baby L, I’d never even driven with one in my car. And the anxiety I had about that alone was astonishing. Now I get to bring my tiny person to the airport and through security and on an airplane. And OH MY GOD, the anxiety. As competent as I feel now as a mom, I just know that I will forget something important. Like, formula. I will be so concerned about remembering my toothbrush that I will forget that this little lady has to eat.

Not to mention the three hour time difference. Baby L is going to be asleep by 7 pm and wide awake and ready to play at 4 in the morning. Because it seems that, even though all of the adults will be running around like crazy people, it would be right to let her keep Florida time so that when we get home, she isn’t all messed up with the sleep thing. Because we all know how important sleep is to mommies.

I feel sort of insane with all the lists I have floating around the house and in my head. Lists of things to do before we leave. Lists of things to pack for Baby L. Lists of regular, every day things that I am most likely to forget. Lists of reasons to be nice to MB’s brother while we’re there, even though I want to punch him in his nether-region. Lists of restaurants in Las Vegas that don’t allow smoking. LIST after LIST after LIST, internet.

I feel like my mom.

For those of you who have traveled with your little ones, any words of wisdom?

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The Haps…

Oh, internet, how I have missed you. Turns out, I needed a new modem. Which, of course, takes, like a bizzillion years to get. And then, you know, because I have all this money, I had to buy a new computer because mine was DONE with it all. And then my car wouldn’t start. So then I bought myself a new fuel pump too! Because I’m getting married and going on vacation in less than two weeks and don’t have ENOUGH to stress about.

So, there it is. That’s how I’ve been doing. How are YOU, internet?

It is looking like MB and I will not be having a reception when we return from Las Vegas. Not because we don’t want to celebrate with everyone, or anything, but because without the internet or a car during the day for a really long time, it is pretty difficult to scope out venues and find catering. And, even though my dad AND uncle are chefs and will be here for the festivities, I just don’t feel that making them cater would be very cool of me. You know, because they might want to celebrate too. And by celebrate, I mean drink a lot of beer. Since my dad is coming from out of the country, I really only have one weekend that I can have a party that he can attend. Which happens to be the weekend that Baby L will be baptized. I have to pile it all in there in two days and I just can’t figure out how to do it. So…it looks like we might just have to have a casual party later on down the road. One that won’t involve me pulling all of my hair out. And one, without my dad. Which sort of sucks.

I AM, getting super excited about the wedding. Well, not specifically the wedding, but the fun that we are about to have in Vegas. It has been SO long since I have been there…or had any kind of vacation, that I almost feel like something is going to happen and I won’t be able to go. Or someone is going to ruin it. (Which, if it were to happen, would be MB’s idiot brother who is coming to Vegas and, unfortunately staying in our timeshare with my family…Fuuuuuuuck.) But, I have already alerted everyone who will be there, that if he gets all stupid on me, I will a) kick him out of the condo and/or b) chop certain parts of his anatomy off and shove them into his face holes. The end.

I’m about to be a mom AND a wife. Holy shit, you guys, HOLY SHIT.

 

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Open Letter to Baby L at Four Months

Dear Lilah,

Today you are four months old. Can you believe it? (Well, considering that you currently have no idea, I’m sure, that FOUR WHOLE MONTHS is a big deal…you probably don’t really care…) I certainly can’t.

Your third month of life was SUPER stressful for me because you had a cold and then it went away. And then you got a worse cold after your cousin started school. I spent about 95% of my time panicking and listening to your breathing to make sure that you weren’t going to suffocate. Then I spent the other 5% of my time panicking that I might be panicking too much and wondering if I should be medicated or if this was normal for a new, first-time mom. Either way, it was pretty rough. There was a lot of snot involved. And only about half of it was yours, because I got super sick too. No fun. But nothing the two of us couldn’t handle. We’re like the dream team, you and I.

You have become super giggly, despite all the gunk in your face. You like to look at your reflection in mirrors and you are generally happy to sit in a bean bag and have brightly colored toys held in front of you so that you can grab at them and try and put them into your mouth. You do the same with my hair. But you also like to stick your entire hand into MY mouth, so I suppose we are even.Your dad and I were watching a little show called “Hell’s Kitchen” and having a discussion the other day about how people get to be so lucky as to eat in the HK restaurant and he looked at you, sitting there in the bean bag, recovering from tummy time, and asked you, “Do you have to have tickets!?” in a super high-pitched voice. And you cracked up with him for a half hour while he repeated the question over and over again. I think you both had a wonderful time with that. I should take a video of the way that he talks to you so you can see, when you’re older, what a dork your father is. But, remember, he’s OUR dork. And we love him dearly.

Tomorrow, you will have your four month vaccinations. And of course, I am a nervous wreck because I always end up crying more than you do while also sort of wanting to punch the nurse in the face for hurting you. Luckily, your Aunt Amanda will be coming with me to your appointment so that a) I might cry less if I am not holding you while they jab you with needles and b) I don’t punch anyone for hurting you. It should all be fine.

Your hair is finally starting to get a bit longer and it feels glorious on my chin when we’re cuddling. I’m so glad that you’ll still cuddle with me (not as much as when you were brand new but still enough that I get my baby fix every day) and you are actually getting better than ever at it. Now it is less because you have no choice and can’t hold your head up, but because you want your mommy. And that makes something inside me feel all warm and fuzzy and like I just might exlode.

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You make a ton of faces now. When you are displeased, you make a pouty face that, however heartbreaking, is also freaking hilarious. One day recently, you were dressed up and ready to go and visit Grandma J and you started to cry. The pouty lips were in full effect. But there I was, trying to comfort you, but you were so darn cute, I found myself laughing hysterically. (Sorry for that. I would say it won’t happen again, but I cannot promise this.)

As always, everyone loves you and wants to make you smile. But, for now at least, you save most of the smiles and giggles just for me. And you make your mommy all melty inside. You are truly one of a kind, my Lilah. One of a kind indeed.

All of my love,

Mom

Update: on this day in history, your father put you into the bathtub. In your socks.

Viva Las Vegas

So, as I mentioned before, (very vaguely, and in passing) MB and I are heading out to Las Vegas and gettin’ hitched, y’all!

I am not one for traditional weddings. Not that they aren’t beautiful and touching and all that stuff…they are. And I respect people who want it to be all touching and stuff. But (and maybe you can tell this from this blog), I’m not really always all that serious. And sure, a marriage is serious business…but I don’t really think (and never have thought) that the wedding itself had to be so. So, I’ve always joked about having Elvis marry me (and whoever the lucky guy was to be) in Vegas. Despite the fact that I loathe Elvis. Because, well, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t appreciate that story. Or being present to witness it. And if you’re anything like me, you might appreciate THAT more than getting dressed up to sit in a church. Or, a garden. Or whatever. (And, again, I’m not saying there’s anything WRONG with a church or a garden, but I’m not so much a church or garden kinda gal.) I thought it would be a neat story to tell the grandkids.

My grandparents have a timeshare condo in Las Vegas that they aren’t planning to use this year. And when my mom called and said, “Hey! Do you guys wanna get married in October? The timeshare is gonna be free!” I couldn’t say no. I mean, come ON, you guys. So, plans will be finalized this weekend. And I am super excited for so many reasons. 1. MB has never been to Vegas and he’s going to be awestruck 2. we haven’t taken a vacation since my 4th month of pregnancy and it was…lackluster… and 3. I get to marry my best friend. And Elvis will be there! And the pictures will be hilarious.

So, originally, a friend and her fiance were planning on coming and getting hitched at the same time (which was a super awesome plan too because, the more the merrier) and we were planning to wear 80’s prom attire. (I never went to prom. And I definitely never went to prom in the 80’s!) But that whole plan has fallen through. So now I’m trying to decide what I should wear. I don’t really like all that frilly white stuff (because I don’t want to look like a decorated cake) but I DO like vintage dresses (50’s and 60’s) and am a curvy, busty lady (moreso now than ever) so my question to you, dear readers, is: Do you know of any place I can find an affordable vintage style dress that does not make me look like a cake or cost an arm and a leg? (I’m still a stay-at-home-mom, remember.) It really doesn’t even have to be a wedding dress. Or white, for that matter. But I am looking for something ADORABLE. Any suggestions for the bride-to-be?

An Open Letter to Baby L (3 Months)

Dear Lilah,

This letter is a little late. You are a little over three months old now. You are just getting over your first cold, which has caused me so much anxiety, this letter was the furthest thing from my mind. Besides that, I really didn’t have time to write it because I was constantly calling the nurse or on-call doctor to make sure that you didn’t have whooping cough, you know, or leprosy. (Your mother, as you may well know, is sort of a crazy person…but it is all out of love. And, you know, maybe a tiny bit of chemical imbalance…)

You’ve been rather fussy during this last week or so, due I’m sure, to the amount of snot you are storing in your face. But it is still a really cute face. So, I hardly mind sucking snot out of it with that bulbous thing that sort of scares me. (I sometimes feel like your brain might somehow turn to complete mush and I will accidently suck it right out and into that weird bulb…and that would be bad on the whole “good/bad scale”.) You had been sleeping through the night for several weeks (because your mother is a genius and bought the most amazing baby sleeping contraption known to man…) but since you have been sick, you basically just want to play or cry. Sleeping happens at night, but it is not really something that you do willingly. It is something that, either, you can’t help but do because you have fought naptime all day and you, despite your resistance, just can’t stay awake any longer, or something that you are helped to do by a little thing called “Childrens’ Benadryl”. I will say that I was very reluctant to give this to you, but I was advised by two (count ‘em, TWO) pediatricians that this would not hurt you if given a small dose and it would also help you (and me) to get some sleep. It works and it is glorious. I have given you three doses , total, but sometimes I feel that I should also dose myself. Because after I give it to you, I lie awake and obsess over the fact that I’ve just given you medicine. And then I listen to you breathe. You know, just to make sure.

In other news, you are doing some pretty adorable things:

  1. You are almost rolling over. This confuses me, because you actually rolled over a few times when you were about 4 weeks old. But then you stopped doing it. Almost like you didn’t want to make me think that you were a genius right off the bat, so you had to slow your role so I didn’t expect too much. Whatever. You are starting again. And it is pretty rad.
  2. Yesterday, you held your bottle and ate by yourself for FIVE MINUTES. I don’t know when you are supposed to be able to do that, so I ran around the house looking for someone to witness it. Your grandmother and I are convinced that you are a child prodigy in the making.
  3. You like to take naps in mommy and daddy’s bed. You sleep on your side and you are probably the most beautiful thing that was ever invented.
  4. You giggled at your reflection in the mirror twice the other day. I cried because you are so cute/smart/awesome.
  5. You like to try and eat this Jacksonville Jaguars blanket/stuffed animal thing that you got from a lady at the hospital on the day you were born. It is very soft. You really like soft things on your face.
  6. You like it when I kiss the bottoms of your feet. And, just so you know, I hate feet. But yours are completely edible. And I probably WOULD have eaten them if it weren’t really wrong to do that…and probably illegal.
  7. You are the only kid I have ever seen who gets excited when laid on the changing table. You smile like crazy when it is time for a new diaper. But you don’t cry when you are wet.
  8. You always smile at me when I pick you up from your sleeper in the morning. It is the kind of smile that makes my heart melt all the way through. You are so genuinely excited to see me. Maybe ALMOST as excited as I am to see YOU. (Although, this is doubtful.)
  9. You are liking baths more and more. You have learned to splash. You should be called “Crazy Legs”. I think that your dad and I walk away more soaked than you.
  10. When you are sleeping and your pacifier falls out of your mouth, you sometimes still make the sucking motion with your mouth for several seconds. And it makes me giggle.

This afternoon, you fought your nap for such a long time and then after your bottle, you fell right to sleep in my lap, just like you did when you were brand new. And, of course, I cried a little. Because, that’s what mommies do.

As always, I am totally in love with you. More than I thought I could be with any other person. Except your dad. Because, if I’m being completely honest, you guys are what I live for. (Just a little reminder.)

Until next time…

 

All of my love,

Mom

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A Family Affair

Family has always been such a strange concept for me. I am familiar with the fundamentals. You know, you have parents, and possibly siblings and aunts and uncles and grandparents. You CAME from somewhere. And you all may live together or not. But you have a common bond. Blood. It seemed to me that blood, in and of itself, was never really that much of a bond. I grew up in a house with my sister and my mom and a step-dad (who, despite having lived with my mom since I was 12, is not actually married to her, making him…well…not really any relation to me at all) and I can tell you that BLOOD never made me get along with my mom. We didn’t sit down to dinner and talk about our days. We didn’t go shopping together. I didn’t ask her advice about boys. My father wasn’t really around and when he was, it was for short periods of time, wherein he would take my sister and me to do fun things that we never did with our mom. It always struck me as such a strange thing when people’s parents were married. And lived in the same house. And TALKED to each other.

When I was pregnant with Baby L, I vowed to myself that she would have a better “family” than I had. Even if she doesn’t have a sibling, she will still have two parents who adore her. And we, as a parenting UNIT, will raise her. Obviously, in my heart of hearts, I know that some things change and anything is possible. And parenting is hard, and MB and I could grow apart. But I promised myself and her, that even if that happens, we will still be a family. All of us. Because that’s what this is all about. That’s what we started when we made her. A family. And I am not one to punk out on such an important job.

Since we moved in with MB’s family, I have had some realizations about family. MB had a very different upbringing than me, and his idea of this whole thing is very different. Because here, people have your back no matter what. Not that I don’t think my family would support me if I needed them to in any endeavor, but it seems that there is a much tighter structure here. Things are unspoken, but they are strong things. They are very real things. They are FAMILY things. And, even though I sometimes want to punch someone in the face for not doing dishes or using my stuff without asking me, I don’t feel terribly out of place. I sort of feel like MY little family is part of something much bigger now. I feel support from all directions. And as annoying as it can be to be around people all the time, there’s a calm comfort in knowing that, with all of these people who are loving my little family, we won’t fail. And for the first time in a long time, I’m not worried. (And if you know me, you know worry is my best thing.) And this is exactly how I want Baby L to feel. Always.

I have to say, though, I am absolutely glad that this “closeness” is temporary. Because I appreciate the support and company and help, but I also prefer to be “close” from the comfort of my own home.