So, when Baby L was born, I decided that I wanted to write her a letter for every month of her first year and then every year on her birthday after that and give them all to her when she turns 18. And, believe it or not, I actually found the time to write her a letter when she was four weeks old. Today, I sat down to start her TWO MONTH (I cannot BELIEVE that she will be 8 weeks old on Saturday!) letter and thought I might share with the interweb, the letter that I wrote to her last month.

Behold!

Dear Lilah,

Four weeks ago today, your daddy and I met you for the first time.

Even though I carried you inside me for nine (which really means ten, and that’s what they don’t tell you about being pregnant) months, I had no idea of the profound impact that you would have on my life (and really, the profound impact that you had already had).  The moment that I first saw you, I knew a love that I had never experienced before and had never anticipated. And for that, my dearest daughter, I am eternally grateful to you.

You had jaundice when you were born because you and I have different blood types and your little body was not used to the antibodies that my body passed to you through the placenta. You had to have light treatments for days when you and I were in the hospital. You had to wear tiny pads over your eyes and only a diaper. You sort of looked like you were in a tiny tanning bed. (Don’t go to tanning beds. They are super gross and bad for you. Also, tanning is really gross. If this doesn’t make sense to you when you read this, let me know, and I will introduce you to a little something called “Jersey Shore” which should clear it all up for you.) We had to stay in the hospital longer than we anticipated because the doctor wanted to keep an eye on you to make sure that your jaundice improved. Luckily, it did and we were all able to go home together, just delayed only a day. You got better and better from there. Even with the slight yellowish tint that you had when we brought you home, you were still the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Or maybe just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Period. (Which sounds more accurate.)

We have had a whole month with you now. And it has been quite the adjustment for your daddy and me. You have terrible gas pains (which is something that I had to include in this letter so that I don’t cry through the whole thing) and you don’t really like to sleep unless someone is holding you or you are in your swing. (Your swing, which you generally don’t like to be actually swinging in.) During the week, when your dad goes to work, I sleep on the couch, near you while you are in your swing, or with you curled up on my chest.  I miss sleeping very much, but the moments we spend together during these times are far more precious than I can ever put into words because I know that you will grow up fast and will not always want to cuddle with your mom. (And this makes my heart ache.) On the weekends, your dad stays up with you at night and cuddles with you while I sleep in our bed to recharge for the week ahead. Your dad works really hard during the week, but I think he enjoys this time with you also, even if he doesn’t sleep as much as he is used to.

You are a very strong baby and can already roll from your back to your side without help, which shocks me every time you do it. You definitely have my eyes, and possibly my ears and it looks like the lower half of your face comes from your dad. We are so excited to see what you will look like as you grow bigger. We await the days when you will smile socially (meaning, not just when you have gas) and that we can hear your little giggle. We are so looking forward to all your little milestones and watching you grow.

There hasn’t been a day that has gone by since you were born that I didn’t fall more in love with you. Your grandmas have been lovely and have watched you a few times so that your father and I can sleep and once or twice so that we could have dinner out together and it breaks my heart every time I leave you. Just this last weekend, your Grandma picked you up from our apartment and, as I strapped you into the car seat, I had to hold back tears. And you would only be gone a few hours! (Apparently, this is normal for moms, you will understand someday, but your father thinks I have lost it.)

Your father and I have been trying our best to make sure that you are the happiest, healthiest baby that you can be. (Sometimes this means that I will call the physician on call at your doctor’s office in the middle of the night because you have coughed twice.) I feel so blessed to have been given such a wonderful gift in this new family with you and your daddy and I promise to do everything I can to make sure that you know how much I love you. Every day.

All of my love,

Mom

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