Into the Groove (But Not Without a Lot of Tears…)

I think that I am slowly getting the hang of this parenting thing.

At first, there were a few days in a row (after MB returned to work) that Baby L would start to cry and I would lose it. Because, internet, when you have a newborn and you don’t know how it works, the worst sound in the world is the sound of her crying. Because it is obviously your fault. And you obviously don’t know what you’re doing and are a terrible parent. MB came home a few times and found Baby L and I cuddled up on the couch, crying hysterically. Because what else can you do but cry right along with them? Of course, MB thought I had lost it, but then, really, what else is new?

Over the course of the last 8 weeks, though, things have gotten easier. Baby L sleeps more at night and is more alert and really doesn’t cry that much at all. (I still, however, have a low tolerance for it because it makes me feel horrible.) I still have those days though. I still sometimes think I can’t take a minute more and that if I don’t get a glass of wine soon, my head is going to pop open and all of this baby-shaped confetti is going to fly out. I guess this feeling is sort of normal? (Help me out, internet…) One day last week, MB got home late from work and Baby L had been hating everything for about three hours and when he got home, I gave him about 30 seconds to prepare and then I handed him a crying baby and walked outside. Where I sat for an hour. Alone. And do you know what, internet? There was no head explosion and no baby-shaped confetti. And then I did it all again the next day.

I’m not sure that MB understands just how crazy being a stay-at-home mom can be. Not that he isn’t fantastic and amazing and all that jazz, just that sometimes I get the feeling he thinks that I am overreacting. But then I talk to my other mommy friends and they reassure me that having a kid, especially your first one, makes you sort of a lunatic. Because it is totally a hard job. And it is mostly thankless. Because, even though Baby L seems excited to get fed and shit, she doesn’t ever say, “Hey, thanks, Mom. You’re the bees knees.” She’s totally rude like that.

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But yesterday, I gave her a bottle and put her upright to burp her and she laid her little, beautiful head on my chest and curled up and went to sleep. And I cried. And this time, because I am so grateful for her and not because I was doubting that I could do it. Because in that moment, I knew I was doing it right. And it was as if she was saying, “Hey, I might not say it enough, Mom, but thanks!” And those are the moments that make all the puke, and poop and sleeplessness worth it.

Ironically, the title of this post is also the title of the first song I sang to Baby L in the midst of one of her first crying fits. I have since found that “Penny Lane” works much better. She’s got pretty good taste, I’d say.

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10 thoughts on “Into the Groove (But Not Without a Lot of Tears…)

  1. Listening to my baby bawl is so incredibly stressful! It makes you feel so helpless. I think it is great that you are spending some time alone. That is what all new moms need….a little down time!

  2. I know exactly how you feel. My wee one is 2 months old and I still get extremely emotional at times, to the point where I’m sure my husband thinks I’m going loco. It feels like I’m nothing but this baby’s 24/7 servant because all I do is feed her, change her diaper, and be at her every beck and call. Even though it gets INSANE sometimes, you’re right, there are moments where you and your baby are on the same page and when she drifts to sleep with a smile, that’s our thank you. Plus, you know, all that poop means she’s eating enough and is healthy! 🙂

    It’s without a doubt the most overwhelming experience and you dive right into it as soon as you leave the delivery room. No amount of prep can get you mentally and physically ready for the real thing — I’m pissed they don’t emphasize this enough in prenatal classes, instead they spend a whole session on labour positions that are useless when you can’t even sit down during contractions!

    You’re doing a great job, the fact that you can still write comprehensible posts says a lot 😉 Keep us updated, you’re not alone!

    • I guess you can never really be prepared. I mean, all my life I have ears about pregnancy but I definitely wasn’t prepared for some of the things that happened to my body during that whole thing! It gets better every day though, and I know that a ton of you Bloggy ladies (and gents) had babies at the same time and are in the exact same boat! We can do it!!!

      Thanks!!!

      • Oh, for sure, the entire recovery process was a major shocker! I had no idea I wouldn’t be able to sit properly for two weeks! (I should write a letter to the prenatal class instructor about her lesson plans).

        Gotta love this blogosphere circle!

  3. The sound of Madison crying when she is in pain is the most awful sound I think I have ever heard. It breaks my heart. She had her shots on Friday and following her shots about 3 hours later out of nowhere she started crying (that scary cry telling me she’s in pain) and I had been up to that point so proud of myself that I held it together during shots much better than last time. Needless to say at that point I lost it. Hearing my baby in pain is horrifying to say the least. I can’t imagine what I will do the first time she gets her heart broken 😛 Hang in there Momma I’m sure Baby L loves you more than words can describe and appreciates all the wonderful and amazing things you are doing for her!!

    • I am totally terrified of the shots! We are going on Friday and I totally am making my mom come with me because MB can’t and I am afraid I am going to have a coronary when they stick her. Maybe I’m wrong and she will be much less of a baby about shots than I am. Because, I mean, lets face it, I’ve heard those kids in there getting shots…and I don’t sound much better when I have to get one. TOTALLY not looking forward to this…
      But yeah, I know all the puke will pay off in the end…and those moments are so worth it, I can’t even explain. (Right now she sounds like she is barking at the monkey mobile in her playpen. HILARIOUS.) Thanks, Jenn! Madison is an absolute doll and is so lucky to have you!!!

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