Dear Lilah,

In two days, you will be exactly two months old. It is really hard to believe that you have been with us that long, but then, at the same time, ridiculous to think that it hasn’t been longer. You have become the center of our universe and I can’t remember the days before you came. This is not at all a bad thing. In fact, this is the kind of thing that I might have thought, as a single person in my twenties, I might have hated, but have realized that I actually really love and appreciate. You are honestly the joy in my every day.

A big part of that “joy” I mention stems from the fact that you have started to sleep at night. When it is appropriate. I bought you this new sleeping contraption (because all of the reviews were written by new moms whose children didn’t sleep ANYWHERE, just like you) which you seem to enjoy more than anything we’ve previously tried. And it is glorious and easily portable and it has saved me from life on the couch. As much as I appreciate that cuddle time that you and I shared on a nightly basis, I did not enjoy sleeping in the living room. (Which became infested with spiders right about the time we brought you home from the hospital. And, as I’m sure you will know by the time you read this, your mom is terrified of spiders. TERRIFIED. I hope you someday appreciate my renegade spider murders.)

Currently, your father and I are attempting to prepare to move in with your grandma, aunt and cousin at the end of this month. This is going to be a major event for me because I am not used to living with family and your cousin is only four and I still get super nervous when he is around you. We have decided, however, that for the time being, this is the best option for everyone (mostly you) because your father and I will be able to save money while I am not working and can stay home with you and not fret about bills. I’d always thought that if I ever had a child, I would want to be with her as much as possible and that I would want to be the one to teach her things and mold her into a caring, generous and kind individual and we think that this, for the next few months, will help us build a nest egg and a foundation for how you will be raised. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. But I would do anything to ensure that you have the best things that I can give you.

You are smiling all the time now and I am convinced that you think that I am hilarious and that you will laugh any day now. Your Grandma J seems to think that she will be the one who first makes you laugh but I am sure that it will be me. You coo and widen your eyes when I speak to you and you try to mimmick the faces that I make. Unfortunately, you do not like it when I try to take video of anything that you do with my phone and you immediately stop being the conversational little girl and start to whimper or fuss. Needless to say, I have many videos of you in which you are initially smiling and then, within seconds, you hate everything. I am hoping that this is not an indication of how you will be during moments like your first steps or things of that nature.

A couple of days ago, your grandmother, for the first time ever that I can remember, told me that she is proud of me for being such a good mom to you. At the time, although I’d fully heard her say the words, I couldn’t comprehend what she meant. And in thinking about it, I was reminded of what kind of relationship I want to have with you. I want to make sure that there is never a doubt in your mind that I am already, and always will be, proud to call you my daughter. And I hope that we will have the kind of relationship in which we will not only love each other, but respect and try to understand each other. Because what is most important to me is to have a part in the kind of person that you become, but to also get to KNOW what kind of person that is.

Your father and I are very much looking forward to every next day with you and every single thing you do is new and beautiful and exciting for us. We love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mom