Category Archives: Marriage

Airplane Panic

Diaper Change in the Sky

Diaper Change in the Sky (Photo credit: andycarvin)

In less than a week, MB, Baby L and I will be taking our first vacation as a family. Am I super excited? Hell yes. Am I freaking out a little? Hell YES.

This might come as a shock to you, given how much I loved kids before I had one, but I have never traveled with an infant before. Before I had Baby L, I’d never even driven with one in my car. And the anxiety I had about that alone was astonishing. Now I get to bring my tiny person to the airport and through security and on an airplane. And OH MY GOD, the anxiety. As competent as I feel now as a mom, I just know that I will forget something important. Like, formula. I will be so concerned about remembering my toothbrush that I will forget that this little lady has to eat.

Not to mention the three hour time difference. Baby L is going to be asleep by 7 pm and wide awake and ready to play at 4 in the morning. Because it seems that, even though all of the adults will be running around like crazy people, it would be right to let her keep Florida time so that when we get home, she isn’t all messed up with the sleep thing. Because we all know how important sleep is to mommies.

I feel sort of insane with all the lists I have floating around the house and in my head. Lists of things to do before we leave. Lists of things to pack for Baby L. Lists of regular, every day things that I am most likely to forget. Lists of reasons to be nice to MB’s brother while we’re there, even though I want to punch him in his nether-region. Lists of restaurants in Las Vegas that don’t allow smoking. LIST after LIST after LIST, internet.

I feel like my mom.

For those of you who have traveled with your little ones, any words of wisdom?

Related articles

Serenity (Felicity) Now

Now that my internet is working and I have a brand new computer which actually, you know, DOES STUFF, I feel like I am SUPERWOMAN, you guys. I can read blogs and catch up on the news and do really inane things like play games on Facebook. Which hasn’t happened in, like, forever. Also, and I am sort of ashamed of this, but I am watching reruns of “Felicity” on Netflix. Because reruns of “Felicity” make me calm. Because I don’t really care what happens because I’ve seen them all. And while sometimes I feel like Felicity should have been punched more, she generally is just so boring it makes all the diapers and teething seem a little bit less like work. And I used to have a huge crush on Scott Foley. Not Speedman. Because he was the obvious one to have a crush on.

Why are we talking about “Felicity”? Because, internet, I need to be calm. I need five minutes to think about nothing and revel in how boring she is.  Because in real life, I have to get my HERRRR DID for the wedding. And meet with a pastor about Baby L’s baptism. And get a pedicure. And find some shoes for the wedding. And find something borrowed. And decide whether we are having a dinner after the baptism or a small dinner reception. Or both. And where these things will take place. And OH. MY. GOD. I just need someone to do all of this for me. Because even though I finally have the internet back. And my car is fixed and sitting in the driveway. I feel like there is so much to do. And all “Felicity” has to do is obsess about boys and deal with that bitch Elana.

The Haps…

Oh, internet, how I have missed you. Turns out, I needed a new modem. Which, of course, takes, like a bizzillion years to get. And then, you know, because I have all this money, I had to buy a new computer because mine was DONE with it all. And then my car wouldn’t start. So then I bought myself a new fuel pump too! Because I’m getting married and going on vacation in less than two weeks and don’t have ENOUGH to stress about.

So, there it is. That’s how I’ve been doing. How are YOU, internet?

It is looking like MB and I will not be having a reception when we return from Las Vegas. Not because we don’t want to celebrate with everyone, or anything, but because without the internet or a car during the day for a really long time, it is pretty difficult to scope out venues and find catering. And, even though my dad AND uncle are chefs and will be here for the festivities, I just don’t feel that making them cater would be very cool of me. You know, because they might want to celebrate too. And by celebrate, I mean drink a lot of beer. Since my dad is coming from out of the country, I really only have one weekend that I can have a party that he can attend. Which happens to be the weekend that Baby L will be baptized. I have to pile it all in there in two days and I just can’t figure out how to do it. So…it looks like we might just have to have a casual party later on down the road. One that won’t involve me pulling all of my hair out. And one, without my dad. Which sort of sucks.

I AM, getting super excited about the wedding. Well, not specifically the wedding, but the fun that we are about to have in Vegas. It has been SO long since I have been there…or had any kind of vacation, that I almost feel like something is going to happen and I won’t be able to go. Or someone is going to ruin it. (Which, if it were to happen, would be MB’s idiot brother who is coming to Vegas and, unfortunately staying in our timeshare with my family…Fuuuuuuuck.) But, I have already alerted everyone who will be there, that if he gets all stupid on me, I will a) kick him out of the condo and/or b) chop certain parts of his anatomy off and shove them into his face holes. The end.

I’m about to be a mom AND a wife. Holy shit, you guys, HOLY SHIT.

 

Related articles

A Few Things

So…my Internet is out again, which makes me want to cut someone. I don’t have the patience to speak with the fucktards at AT&T anymore but I really need to get on party planning for our reception after the Vegas vacation/wedding. Oh, the stress!

Since I’ve been gone:
1. Baby L started teething. Like, legit. Teething sucks so much ass. There is screaming and fussing and not sleeping. Copious amounts of drool. And she likes to gnaw on my shoulder. A lot.

2. I found a dress for the wedding. It contains the mammoth boobs quite nicely. I’m so relieved. It’s not a wedding dress but I really like it and I will feel super comfy and ready to party!

3. I can’t stand my fiance’s brother. The end.

4. “Rent” has been on almost every day. And while I much prefer the play and I own the DVD, I can’t stop watching it.

5. This happened:

20120926-140510.jpg

Boobs…and Other Stuff

I’m happy to announce that our Vegas Elvis wedding has been booked for October 16th! I still can’t believe how much has happened to me over the last twelve months. Last September, I found out I was pregnant, then in November, I was fired for being pregnant, then I got engaged in January, had a baby in May, moved in with family in July and now I’m getting hitched. Sheesh. What a long, strange trip its been…

I still haven’t found a dress for the wedding. And yes, I am aware that I am cutting it super close here, but I am having trouble finding anything I like due to this post-baby body. I am basically the same size as I was (everywhere except the boobage) but things are distributed differently. And it is weird. And it makes dress shopping nearly impossible. Also, and I think I have mentioned this before, my knockers are enormous. And I’m finding that, because of this, I’m having to find even BIGGER dresses than before and then I just look…well…frumpy. So…there it is. My boobs have taken over my life.

I have to say, I’m really not even concerned with being all fancy and perfect on our day, because, let’s face it, we’re getting married in Las Vegas and we are totally not trying to impress anyone. I just want to look put together and happy. And if my boobs cooperate, looking happy won’t be a problem for me.

I have to say, I am super excited about this vacation. The wedding will be awesome, but the vacation is going to be stellar. One of my cousins (who I am not super close with) is getting married on the same day in Las Vegas. And it is super awesome, because it means that some of my family will be there. They won’t be coming to OUR wedding, but they will be hopping all around the city for the whole week. So, I’m looking forward to all of that debauchery.

It has definitely been hard to adjust to living with a five-year-old and two more adults. MB’s family really is great, but living with them can be a little hard for me. Mainly because  a) I don’t like noise, b) I hate dirty dishes, and c) sometimes I’m not wearing pants. Living with a little kid who isn’t yours and is sort of…well…disobedient and hyper as hell…I think would be hard for anyone. But then there’s me. And I’m a little OCD and have some pretty strong opinions on parenting. Or at least, how one should NOT parent. So, it is everything I can do just to keep my mouth shut sometimes. Kids are noisy. Disobedient kids are noisy and irritating.

And the dirty dishes. Holy crap, the dirty dishes. I can’t even talk about them. It hurts my little anal retentive heart.

The worst part though, is probably the privacy issue. It isn’t like anyone just barges into our room at all hours or anything. And the kid has, for the most part, gotten the message that our room is basically OFF LIMITS. But MB’s sister definitely did get a nice view of my ass the other day and MB’s mom definitely went through my closet yesterday to borrow shoes from me. This is absolutely NOT COOL if you are me, by the way. And I did have to say something this morning to her, even though I really didn’t want to step on any toes (but I guess since she was wearing MY shoes, it was all good), but I needed her to understand that I’m not a fan of people (ANYONE) rifling through my things when I’m not home. Or if I am home. Or…you know…just ever. I had all night last night to calm down to prevent flying off the handle about it, so I think that, by the time I finally got to talk to her, I was over it enough that I didn’t sound like a crazy person.  But man…that’s exactly the stuff that makes me hate living with people.

But I’m still grateful to be here. And I love every one of them to pieces. I just hope they’re prepared, if they don’t stop invading my privacy, to see a whole lot more than they bargained for.

Because, for real. Sometimes, I’m not wearing pants.

Viva Las Vegas

So, as I mentioned before, (very vaguely, and in passing) MB and I are heading out to Las Vegas and gettin’ hitched, y’all!

I am not one for traditional weddings. Not that they aren’t beautiful and touching and all that stuff…they are. And I respect people who want it to be all touching and stuff. But (and maybe you can tell this from this blog), I’m not really always all that serious. And sure, a marriage is serious business…but I don’t really think (and never have thought) that the wedding itself had to be so. So, I’ve always joked about having Elvis marry me (and whoever the lucky guy was to be) in Vegas. Despite the fact that I loathe Elvis. Because, well, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t appreciate that story. Or being present to witness it. And if you’re anything like me, you might appreciate THAT more than getting dressed up to sit in a church. Or, a garden. Or whatever. (And, again, I’m not saying there’s anything WRONG with a church or a garden, but I’m not so much a church or garden kinda gal.) I thought it would be a neat story to tell the grandkids.

My grandparents have a timeshare condo in Las Vegas that they aren’t planning to use this year. And when my mom called and said, “Hey! Do you guys wanna get married in October? The timeshare is gonna be free!” I couldn’t say no. I mean, come ON, you guys. So, plans will be finalized this weekend. And I am super excited for so many reasons. 1. MB has never been to Vegas and he’s going to be awestruck 2. we haven’t taken a vacation since my 4th month of pregnancy and it was…lackluster… and 3. I get to marry my best friend. And Elvis will be there! And the pictures will be hilarious.

So, originally, a friend and her fiance were planning on coming and getting hitched at the same time (which was a super awesome plan too because, the more the merrier) and we were planning to wear 80’s prom attire. (I never went to prom. And I definitely never went to prom in the 80’s!) But that whole plan has fallen through. So now I’m trying to decide what I should wear. I don’t really like all that frilly white stuff (because I don’t want to look like a decorated cake) but I DO like vintage dresses (50’s and 60’s) and am a curvy, busty lady (moreso now than ever) so my question to you, dear readers, is: Do you know of any place I can find an affordable vintage style dress that does not make me look like a cake or cost an arm and a leg? (I’m still a stay-at-home-mom, remember.) It really doesn’t even have to be a wedding dress. Or white, for that matter. But I am looking for something ADORABLE. Any suggestions for the bride-to-be?

I Have Returned…

I’m not even going to discuss the fact that it took AT&T almost TWO WEEKS to make my internet work at the new place. Nope. Not gonna talk about that. Because, as tired and frustrated as I currently am, I would likely go batshit crazy if I had to think about it anymore. The only thing that matters is, the internet is on now. And I can finally update my BLOG!!! And, if you’ll forgive me, I’m not really even sure where to start…so…a LIST!

1. Two weeks ago, MB, Baby L and I moved across town into a house with the family. This has been mostly a positive experience. I love his family, we have a huge master bedroom and the much needed privacy that I was worried about not having, and I have help with Baby L pretty much whenever I need it. These are all positive things. But then there is the issue of living with another child. One who never, EVER sits down or stops jumping. This is definitely taking some getting used to. But I have learned to lock doors behind me to prevent any sort of unwanted child interaction and that seems to have worked. Most of the time.

2. Our giant master bedroom is completely insanely messy because, after we got all of our clothes hung up in the closet and boxes stacked on top, all of the closet shelves fell down. This has since been fixed. And then has fallen again, leaving a crazy pile of who knows what all over the floor and nowhere to put it until more shelving is installed. Needless to say, there are, because of lack of a closet, still boxes stacked in the room. And they are driving me INSANE. Because, internet, if I have to live in someone else’s house, I just need there to be a whole lot of order.

3. Baby L will be THREE WHOLE MONTHS OLD on Sunday and I can’t freaking believe it. She’s cooing and smiling and clutching things and being ridiculously cute and perfect and I still have days where I can’t believe I actually had a BABY. But, I have to say, it is so amazing to get to see all the new things she does and new facial expressions she makes. And I can’t help but love dressing her up in adorable little outfits. Dolls never appealed to me as a kid, but man, I love dressing this kid!

20120813-125732.jpg

4. Is it weird that at almost three months, I can feel little tooth nubs in her mouth? Isn’t it quite early for that, y’all?

5. Wedding plans are in the works! And that’s all I am really going to say now, because I want to get it all planned out, but I will tell you this; will probably take place two months from today and will involve some bright lights and an Elvis or two. (Let the diet begin!!!)

That’s really all the time I have for now, internet, but I will be catching up on all of your blogs TODAY! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a diaper to attend to. Not mine. Just clarifying.

 

Insomnia and Putting a Ring On It

One of the things about pregnancy that I hate the most but also find the most useful is the insomnia. I am able to wake up at 4 am and accomplish things around the house before the Today show that I normally wouldn’t accomplish before noon. And while this annoys the bejesus out of me, I look forward to the afternoon naps. Oh, the naps.

I have been waking up at around 4 for about the entirety of my pregnancy. I find that the only way that I can sleep later is if we have a REALLY exhausting day and then I MIGHT make it until 7. And then I do a little jig. I wake up with a million thoughts running through my head. About cribs. And plans for moving. And car seats (because holy JESUS there are so many to choose from!). And my overwhelming desire to learn to knit. And, of course, how and where I am going to end up having this baby and whether or not I will ever get to see a doctor again. (This last one is still, obviously, making me a crazy person, but I am, with the help of the best man in the world, My Beloved, staying positive and angry. I find that anger helps me stay motivated to stick it to the man.) Over the weekend, MB and I went to a nearby outlet mall to spend his income tax return money on things that he has been putting off buying in the wake of all the crazy that has been going on at home like a new pair of glasses and new jeans (he has gained more weight throughout my pregnancy than I have. Anyone else’s significant other eating for him, you and the baby??). While we were there, I had a mini-meltdown about not knowing how we are going to swing this whole thing. And for the 67 millionth time, he reassured me that he will take care of me and the baby, no matter what. And that that’s what he is there for. And that he doesn’t feel obligated, but that he LOVES us. And that’s what you do when you love someone. You look out for them. And, of course, I am a spaz and everything will work out because “it always has”.

He’s right. And I need to learn to calm down and trust him. But I’m not really the trusting type. Even if I KNOW that he is serious and that I would do the same thing if the tables were turned, it is still hard to depend so much on someone else. You know, even if for nothing else than my sanity.

Pregnancy is hard.

But we are making it. And we will make it. And after we had this heart-to-heart over a breakfast for dinner meal at Denny’s (because nothing calms me the way that bacon does), we, totally on a whim and without discussing it at all, walked into a jewelry store and bought an engagement ring. We’ve known for a long time that we would be married some day, but we hadn’t really wanted to rush it. I want to elope somewhere beautiful and not be bothered with family and wedding planning and bridesmaids dresses, so naturally, the only thing really holding us back from “getting hitched” was the lack of funds. And then I got knocked up. And lost my job. So, seeing as we may never have money again, we figured he’d better at least put a ring on it.So, no, it wasn’t this romantic mome20120130-065632.jpg

 

nt where he got down on one knee and made a grand gesture. And it is nothing fancy, but simple and exactly what looks like it belongs on my finger. But I don’t need a grand gesture. Or a fancy-pants showy rock. I need a partner. And I have one. And he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And every day is a grand gesture when you feel as loved and as cherished as I do.

So, there it is, he will make an honest woman out of me after all.