Tag Archives: Thanks

Into the Groove (But Not Without a Lot of Tears…)

I think that I am slowly getting the hang of this parenting thing.

At first, there were a few days in a row (after MB returned to work) that Baby L would start to cry and I would lose it. Because, internet, when you have a newborn and you don’t know how it works, the worst sound in the world is the sound of her crying. Because it is obviously your fault. And you obviously don’t know what you’re doing and are a terrible parent. MB came home a few times and found Baby L and I cuddled up on the couch, crying hysterically. Because what else can you do but cry right along with them? Of course, MB thought I had lost it, but then, really, what else is new?

Over the course of the last 8 weeks, though, things have gotten easier. Baby L sleeps more at night and is more alert and really doesn’t cry that much at all. (I still, however, have a low tolerance for it because it makes me feel horrible.) I still have those days though. I still sometimes think I can’t take a minute more and that if I don’t get a glass of wine soon, my head is going to pop open and all of this baby-shaped confetti is going to fly out. I guess this feeling is sort of normal? (Help me out, internet…) One day last week, MB got home late from work and Baby L had been hating everything for about three hours and when he got home, I gave him about 30 seconds to prepare and then I handed him a crying baby and walked outside. Where I sat for an hour. Alone. And do you know what, internet? There was no head explosion and no baby-shaped confetti. And then I did it all again the next day.

I’m not sure that MB understands just how crazy being a stay-at-home mom can be. Not that he isn’t fantastic and amazing and all that jazz, just that sometimes I get the feeling he thinks that I am overreacting. But then I talk to my other mommy friends and they reassure me that having a kid, especially your first one, makes you sort of a lunatic. Because it is totally a hard job. And it is mostly thankless. Because, even though Baby L seems excited to get fed and shit, she doesn’t ever say, “Hey, thanks, Mom. You’re the bees knees.” She’s totally rude like that.

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But yesterday, I gave her a bottle and put her upright to burp her and she laid her little, beautiful head on my chest and curled up and went to sleep. And I cried. And this time, because I am so grateful for her and not because I was doubting that I could do it. Because in that moment, I knew I was doing it right. And it was as if she was saying, “Hey, I might not say it enough, Mom, but thanks!” And those are the moments that make all the puke, and poop and sleeplessness worth it.

Ironically, the title of this post is also the title of the first song I sang to Baby L in the midst of one of her first crying fits. I have since found that “Penny Lane” works much better. She’s got pretty good taste, I’d say.

On Motherhood

 So, since the birth of Baby L, I have literally written 37 blog posts about motherhood. You know, like, in my head. Where none of you can read them. Shockingly, between diaper changing and bottle washing, and being puked on, I haven’t really had a lot of time to actually type things. But lemme tell you, I’m a hell of a mind blogger. If only there was some way to hook up WordPress to my actual brain, you guys would have reading material FOREVER…

Anyway, so yeah. What’s up, internet? I’m a mom now. And it is INSANE.

I have to say, internet, that it honestly is one of the most rewarding things EVER to have a baby and to be someone’s parent but it is also terrifying. I have never felt so truly inept* at anything as I did the first few weeks of Baby

sleep

sleep (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

L’s life. And I don’t say this to scare all of you preggos or to discourage those of you who aren’t yet on this path, I just mean to say that it is WORK. Granted, I would trade this work for any other work I have ever done in my life. Because even though I haven’t slept in my bed on a regular basis in five weeks, it was worth it the first time that little girl smiled at me. (Which may or may not have been because she was trying to poop, but you take what you can get at this age, because she is basically a meatloaf. A really, really adorable meatloaf.)

I knew that the sleep deprivation was going to be hard. And I honestly thought that, given the fact that I hadn’t slept well for several months anyway, (you know, because a ginormous belly does nothing for sleeping comfortably) I could rock the hell out of not sleeping. Because, I was in my twenties once.  (Hard to believe, but it is totally true.) I never expected, however, that my child would not sleep in or on ANY contraption that I purchased for sleeping. Because MY kid was going to sleep through the night right after birth. And she would do it anywhere that I put her, but she would MOST DEFINITELY love her bassinet.

FAIL.

Baby L likes to sleep one of two places: on my chest or in her swing. Period.

This makes sleeping in my bedroom impossible because I can’t sleep with her in the bed (believe in co-sleeping or not, when you are desperate, you are desperate) because MB is a giant and sleeps like he is even BIGGER than he is and is terrified that he will kill her and I can’t move the swing into the bedroom because it is huge and cumbersome and I need it to be accessible if and when I try to do things in other parts of the house. So, internet, I have moved into the living room. (Which, by the way, has recently become infested with spiders of all varieties, and I am totally phobic.This was remedied last week, but HOLY CRAP.) I sleep the first half of the night with Baby L in the swing, swaddled and comfy and after her feeding, she is changed, un-swaddled and sleeps on my chest.  I have to say, even though it means that I barely sleep at all, I rather like the cuddling. Because she is teeny and warm and adorable. And I grew her. So, there’s that…

During the first week, Baby L did not sleep at night at all. Evidently, she was confused about what to do when it gets dark outside and mommy is crying hysterically because she hasn’t slept in four days. Luckily, MB’s mom spent a few days with us after it became obvious that I might never sleep again and, since she works nights and was on vacation, she was able to hang out with the nugget while the parents actually slept. Together. In the same room. It has gotten gradually better and now she is sleeping, sometimes, up to five hours at a time after her bath and last bottle. Which makes mommy very, VERY happy. And if I weren’t so exhausted, I might even do a cartwheel or two about it.

MB has, however, been a huge help when he is home on the weekends and has even let me have the day shift while he sleeps on the couch at night so that I don’t get all delirious and start streaking through our neighborhood or something equally ridiculous. And the crazy thing about sleeping in my bedroom? I feel guilty about not sleeping in the same room with my kid. GUILTY! Can you believe that? (If you are a new mom, you probably can and don’t think I am insane. Evidently, this is a thing.)

Either way, things are getting better, and sleep is becoming something that I do sometimes. Which I enjoy.  And I have a bunch of amazing friends who have either come by to help me get some random things done around the house or have at least been there to answer their phones when I call them and freak out about the fact that the baby has just spit up into my cleavage and it was more spit up than I remember ever having happened before and OH MY GOD is that OKAY? Is my baby sick? Should I call the doctor on call? (Which, mind you, I have done on THREE, count ’em THREE occasions since we brought her home.Yep. I am a spazz. And I’m okay with that, internet. I don’t know how to work a baby! Give me a break!)

I should really get back to my kid now. But I wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you ladies (and gent!) who have commented here, tweeted, emailed or come by to help, say congrats, or whatever. You guys rock my face off! (Special thanks to Kathryn for the cute goodies that I use daily because I MUCH prefer the adorable burp cloths to the gross white ones! I’m a burp cloth stuff elitist now, see what you’ve done?)

Okay, now which one of you is NEXT?!

*Except Math. I am super inept at Math.

Also, you guys should go here and buy some cute baby stuff! Expansion is coming soon, I hear!

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On Showering

Well, internet, I survived my baby shower and didn’t even have to punch anyone in the throat for molesting my “baby dome” (as MB is now calling it).

The big party was last Saturday (and pardon my absence here but there have been piles of goodies to sort through, appointments and a lot of eating. You know, because…well…eating is EATING.) I woke up Saturday morning (at 6 am), for the first time in a long time, completely sick. And when I say sick, I mean FIRST TRIMESTER sick. I felt ravenously hungry but totally nauseated and disgusting. I felt bloated and horrible and UGLY. So, as you can imagine, I was not too thrilled to have to try and make myself presentable to see all of my nearest and dearest. But, out of this disgusting funk came one of the best, most hilarious moments of my pregnancy thus far. I don’t know if I have mentioned to you, internet, that I can no longer reach my toes. In preparation, last week, for the shower, I attempted to paint my toenails. RED. (Why? I have no idea. My toenails are always done, but they are also always done in a french manicure because…I am really good without stencils and/or a huge belly.) I’m going to cut this short and just tell you that this was the longest process of my life and I believe I may have broken a rib. So, on Saturday, I asked MB (who had offered several times before) to help me to use a glorious salt scrub on my piggies so that they a) didn’t look so heinous and b) didn’t feel like sandpaper. (I know you guys are really intrigued by the state of my feet, so I will go ahead and tell you that, no, they are not yet swelling.) I am weird about feet and people touching mine (or having to touch anyone else’s) and am extremely ticklish, so I kept maintaining that I could scrub my own feet, until the broken rib happened. So I agreed to let MB help me out. OH. MY. GOD.

I situated my gigantic ass on the side of the tub and braced myself, but I swear I started laughing hysterically before MB even touched me. And I laughed like that and squirmed around for an entire 10 minutes while my wonderful, amazing, fiance attempted to beautify the piggies. I told him later that I wished that I would have had the whole thing on video because it was exactly the kind of thing that I would want my daughter to see when I explain to her what kind of man she should pick. One that will attempt to scrub your feet, even if you are dangerously close to kicking him in the face. That, my friends, is a good man. But I digress…

The shower started at one, and despite all of my pleading with friends and family to properly RSVP, many more people showed up than anticipated which turned my mom into a raving lunatic. I, even though I felt like a total crap bag, was pleased that so many people showed up and were so ridiculously generous. My mom and sister (and even my step-dad, who painstakingly fashioned a beautiful banner welcoming Baby L) did a really cute job decorating and the food, I hear, was divine (thanks to my Uncle/Personal Chef) and mom and sister. I was disappointed that I didn’t even get to eat, partially because I was afraid that I might not be able to keep anything down and partially because the house was so crowded, I wasn’t really even able to get TO the food. (Except the cupcakes, because HELLO. CUPCAKES.) I have to say, it was pretty unlike any baby shower I have ever been to (for me) because a) there were men there, which made me feel better about the universe, and b) the only part of it that felt even remotely shower-y to me was the opening of the gifts. (Which took a really long time, but my sister was clever enough to distract guests with Bingo cards, so not only did people pay attention to the gifts, but they weren’t pissed off about having to sit there and do so for hours on end. I highly recommend…I felt less like I was the center of attention and more like I was working at the nursing home again, where I used to call Bingo for the Alzheimers patients. Not that I am comparing my guests to Alzheimers patients. Well…I mean, most of them are not at all like Alzheimers patients anyway. Either way, they didn’t really care about ME, they just wanted that bottle of wine. Can you blame them?) To be honest, though, the whole thing is kind of a blur. It was a really great day shared with really effing amazing people and I really appreciate all of the love we received (in the form of hugs and gifts and belly rubbing).

Now that I have mentioned the belly rubbing, I guess I should touch on that, since I was fairly certain that it would occur whether I liked it or not.

I have to say, I was actually surprised at the lack of belly rubbing. There were only a handful of people who actual dared to rub the dome. And to be totally honest, the people who did, did not offend me. My old friend TC, who I never get to hang out with and with the help of another of our friends, has now ousted me from the “No Babies for Me” Club, was the most belly-happy of the guests and, even though she probably knows and doesn’t care, (she’s a bad ass like that) that I didn’t want anyone touching it, she did it numerous times. And I didn’t even THINK about hitting her. It actually wasn’t as awkward as I thought it might be. But maybe it just depends on who does it. In fact, my mom has only attempted touching my belly ONE TIME. So, how the hell should I know how I am supposed to feel about it. After the shower was over, however, came the real belly extravaganza when my sister, Fish Head and her husband, Mr. Fish Head cornered me in the garage and while Mr. Fish Head attempted to rouse Baby L by singing Phil Collins songs or quoting Hitler (I think this was an attempt to really piss her off), my sister pressed her entire face to the other side of my belly. This, my friends, was a mite awkward. And really, if they hadn’t been Mr. and Mrs. Fish Head, I am pretty sure they would have been swimming with the fishes. Even that, though, really wasn’t the worst thing to ever happen. It was definitely less annoying than stretch marks. So…there you have it. Maybe I am not anti-belly-touching altogether. Who knew?

This used to be our spare bedroom. And then it exploded with baby items!

Anyway, I do want to thank all of the lovely people who came to celebrate our new addition. Sometimes, and I think this is common in people, I forget how many wonderful people I have in my life and not because I don’t appreciate you all, but because there might be distance, or our every day lives have made it hard to be together. You all just reminded me how truly lucky I am and how truly loved Baby L is already. THANK YOU. Each of you for all the love, and the loot!

 

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A Delicious THANK YOU

Okay, so many of you who stop by here from time to time may have seen my post from a little while back about my insecurity about “the bump”. I wanted to take a moment to tell all of you who commented and were so awesome and reassuring and wonderful that I really appreciate all your words.

It really has been a hard journey for me, as I think it is for a LOT more women than can admit it. I absolutely know that this is all a very beautiful thing and that what is happening to my body is natural and beautiful and purposeful and knowing all that stuff definitely prevents me from hurling myself off of a building, but it is still a struggle when I am just glancing at myself in the mirror or a store window. But all of you readers and commenters who could identify? ROCKED MY FACE OFF.

Thank you!!!

I have really been trying, since writing that post to really FOCUS on all of those positve and miraculous things that my body is working on doing right now and less on how I physically LOOK while my body is doing them. Because even though my body image is improving with every passing day, my body is racing to look MORE DIFFERENT* every day. (Seriously, I am pretty sure my hips are three inches wider than yesterday…) But I am getting there, and I now know, more than ever, that I am not the only neurotic, crazy pregnant lady to ever feel this way. So…seriously…sincerely…Thank you all. If I could, I would buy you each a beautiful bouquet of flowers, all of your individual favorite variety/color and have them sitting at your doorstep, waiting for you the next time you have a kind of neurotic/sad/frustrating/irritating/panic-inducing moment. Or maybe just because you really like flowers. And for those of you who are pregnant, I would also send ornate baskets of bacon. Because…I mean…come ON…who doesn’t like bacon?

Thank you, fellow bloggers…you are my sunshine.

Okay, after further research, I have decided that you pregoos would get BACON ROSES. (Why hasn’t anyone sent me BACON ROSES, you guys?! And why didn’t I know this was a thing?!)

Bloggy Love

I promise that a real post is coming very soon (probably tomorrow) because I have so much to tell you, internet! In the meantime, I would like to give a shoutout to Ashley over here, who awarded me the Tell Me About Yourself Award the other day!!!

  Thank you, Ashley!

The Rules are:

1. To thank the person who gave you the award. (Duh!)

2. List 7 little-known facts about yourself. (I have just recently done this, so I probably won’t do it again so soon, but you can go here and here, for a refresher…)

3. Give props to 15 bloggers you dig! (I probably will cheat here too because 15 is a LOT but I definitely have a few to mention.)

Again, I will not be doing this tonight, but, in the meantime, go see Ashley!

Woohoo! (Now With Added Ooomph.)

So, my lovely sister, *Fish Head informed me the other day that I had been honored with another blog award from my bloggie friend over at The Waiting! (I can’t tell you how much I love this news!)

I am truly honored that people like this blog as much as I have enjoyed writing here! Woohoo! Non-alcoholic drinks for everyone! (Ugggggghhhh…Someday, I will no longer be pregnant and there will be champagne. And delicious beers. And maybe some vodka. Because…well…I am sure I will be ready for some vodka by that time.)

In turn, I would like to go ahead and recognize some of the bloggers I enjoy for their awesomeness and share them with you. (It is of note that I was instructed to post 15 blogs that I like, but I am only going to do ten  five because I am pregnant and peeing is going to have to happen about 37 times during the time it takes me to write this. And 37 is my limit.) Anyway, here goes (in no particular order, and please know that if you are not on this list, it is because of my bladder, not because I don’t like you.)

1.  The Bloggess. Oh my GOD, you guys. I love this blog. I love this blog so much that I read it even though it makes me have to pee more. And harder. And with more intensity. And possibly ON MYSELF. Please read this post! It makes me happy. (You may want to wear a diaper, though.)

2. Painting Chef. This is a seriously smart, witty and adorable lady who cooks and paints and is obsessed with shoes. What’s not to like? And she’s super snarky! I dig it!

3. Hyperbole and a Half. Okay, so I totally ACCIDENTALLY stumbled upon this blog a while back and I laughed so hard at this post that I cried. Because spiders are terrifying and I can totally identify.

4. This Fish Needs a Bicycle. I have been reading this blog since I learned how to read blogs.

5. And Baby Makes Three. YAY! Another pregnant lady! In Germany!

Goodness. I had to cut that short because I have already peed 36 times and am dangerously close to the limit. Either way, part two of this post (wherein I will give you seven little known facts about yours truly) will follow! (Hopefully tomorrow. But this depends on whether or not I can break myself away from my bathroom for long enough to post again.)

* I call my sister Fish Head because of a little film called “Mermaids” starring Cher, Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci. And yes, she calls me Sergeant.

**Update**

Just for the record, I feel bad that I did not add this blog to this list. I cannot let this slide. SHAME ON ME.  Go here. She is funnier than your grandma. I swear.

On A BREAK.

First, I would like to say a HUGE Thank you to all of you ladies (rays of internet sunshine) who have commented with all your encouraging and supportive words. All those words mean more than you can possibly know!  THANK YOU!

I actually feel pretty good. I have been a little ill (the vomiting has returned, just in time to make life just a little bit more fun!) but other than that, I am calm and feeling optimistic. I have honestly surprised my self with the lack of spaztastic tantrums and my ability to stay all cheery and to look on the bright side. (I finally learned about this “bright side” I have heard so much about!)  And the bright side is this:

While I may have come into this pregnancy reluctantly and even begrudgingly, it has happened. It is a real thing and it will happen whether I am ready for it or not. (This may not sound like a bright side, but hold on, I swear I’m getting there…) Everyone knew that I hated my job and the majority of the people that I worked with and the stress it caused me was painfully obvious to everyone around me. Bright side?  I no longer have to deal with the anxiety of working in a toxic environment and try to maintain my sanity for the health of my unborn child. Who, by the way, I am recognizing more and more every day as a real blessing.

So, there it is. Things have happened and are out of my control. And I feel good. Confident. And…strangely happy. (Go team ME!)

I have even gotten several phone calls already to schedule interviews for new jobs. The thing is, I am not even sure I want to attempt to find another job right now. In fact, the more I think about it, I am not sure I want to work at all. Like…ever.  And not because I want to be lazy and eat bonbons. Because it dawned on me that I couldn’t bear another job like the last few that I have had. And how good a parent can I be if I am constantly stressed out and unhealthy?  So, that’s where I am at the current moment. I am ON A BREAK! (And for you “Friends” fans, I need you to go ahead and read that in the voice of Ross.  If you didn’t, you did it wrong. Try again.)

Now if I could remember what sleep feels like…

We Did It! Broken News!

…and I am not talking about the act that got us into this mess in the first place!

Yesterday, My Beloved and I broke the news to the remaining family members who hadn’t already been told by my mother or his sister. We brought a cheesecake to his mom’s house for dessert with the words, “We’re Preggo!” written in chocolate chips across the top. She must’ve stared at it for 45 seconds before screaming with glee and then laughing/crying for ten minutes. It was just the response we had hoped for. I actually got a little teary-eyed for, like, the second time during the whole 15 weeks that I have been pregnant. (And this time, not because I really just wanted to chug a bottle of wine or sleep through the night…or you know…take my head OUT of the toilet for a whole ten minutes in a row…)

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I’m So Famous, Ya’ll!

So, as you guys can tell, my blog is brand new and I am sort of a crazy person (which, duh, is my inspiration for blogging in the first place) and have been here trying to make light of (or at least come to terms with) my new situation and let me tell you, fellow preggo ladies and/or former preggo ladies and/or regular peeps who stop by here, you have made this whole ordeal MUCH easier. (I haven’t murdered ANYONE! Not ONE person!)

Today, I was nominated by Jell Jell over here for the Liebster Award!

“What  is the Liebster Award?”, you may ask. It’s an award that’s meant to be passed along to blogs with fewer than 200 followers. The purpose is to help give awesome blogs a bit of a nudge in the way of followers and fans.”

Hooray!  Thanks so much for the props! (And recognizing how awesome I truly am…heh heh…)

By accepting this award what we need to do is:

1. Copy and paste the award on our blog.
2. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to us.
3. Reveal our top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. Hope that our followers will spread the love to other bloggers.

Here are my choices:

1. The Waiting

2. Growing Itty-Bitty

3. Listful Thinking

4. Life In These Times

5. Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas 

Thanks, ladies and gents! Keep spreading the love!