Category Archives: Pregnancy

On Sleeping…

I haven’t been very good at keeping you all updated on motherhood and that’s because during the time that I am awake, I am actually PRACTICING motherhood. And then during that time when I’m asleep, well, I’m trying to stay that way for as long as possible.

Baby L had a lot of sleep issues and gas issues and for the first weeks of her life. She was confused about day versus night and what to do during which period, which, as I mentioned before, forced Mommy to sleep on the couch for 5.5 weeks. Mommy was not a fan.

When I was pregnant and registering for things, I decided that, in the beginning, Baby L should sleep in our bedroom in a bassinet. Partially because I was still terrified of SIDS (still am) and partially because the guest room is such a clusterfuck after all the baby gifts and hand-me-downs from MB’s sister who has a little girl as well. I knew we were planning to move shortly after Baby L was born, so I didn’t see the point in setting up a crib/nursery when we would just be taking everything down in a few months anyway. So, I looked on-line for baby sleeping contraptions. And being that I was having a little girl, I wanted something cute. Not too frilly. Not too pink. But functional and pretty. So I settled on this plain white bassinet. It wasn’t anything fancy and it fit perfectly next to my side of the bed so that I could see the baby if I needed to (read: freaked out and started to be a total lunatic) in the middle of the night without having to get up and check on her (37 times because I think she might not be breathing). Fail.

The bassinet, while pretty and functional enough, was not up to Baby L’s sleeping expectations. Turns out: the womb to bassinet transition was not going to happen.

So, Baby L slept in the swing. Or on my chest. And while I totally enjoyed the chest sleeping/cuddling, my back was starting to pay. So we were back to square one.

With our move very quickly approaching, and thus having to downsize, I was starting to get super desperate and went back to where it all started. Target.com. Back in the days of pregnancy, when I had absolutely no idea of what I was in for, I read reviews for this “newborn sleeper” thing. The reviews were mostly wonderful except those select few that mentioned that this contraption will give your baby (gasp!) “flathead syndrome”. Now, internet, to a paranoid, confused, and often hysterical, soon-to-be-mom, “flathead syndrom” might as well be read as “face cancer” or “third arm”. So naturally, despite the glowing reviews, I resisted buying this “newborn sleeper” thing. Until all of our attempts at a normal, bedroom sleeping situation failed and then I broke down and bought it. AND IT SAVED MY LIFE.

While she still has her daily fussy times and sporatic cranky-pants moments, Baby L is finally sleeping 4-6.5 hours per night. IN OUR BEDROOM. Meaning that Mommy and Daddy are sleeping IN THE SAME ROOM. Like, for more than 30 minutes at a time! Can you believe it, internet? I’m pretty sure that this thing is the best thing ever invented. So if you are having trouble getting your newborn to sleep, GO AND BUY THIS THING. For real. (Shameless Fisher Price plug. They should totally pay me for this.)

Anyway, so, that’s about how things are going for us right now. Finally getting some sleep but now, we’re on to packing for our move in TWENTY days. And guess how many boxes are packed, y’all! TWO! (More on this later…)

 

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On Motherhood

 So, since the birth of Baby L, I have literally written 37 blog posts about motherhood. You know, like, in my head. Where none of you can read them. Shockingly, between diaper changing and bottle washing, and being puked on, I haven’t really had a lot of time to actually type things. But lemme tell you, I’m a hell of a mind blogger. If only there was some way to hook up WordPress to my actual brain, you guys would have reading material FOREVER…

Anyway, so yeah. What’s up, internet? I’m a mom now. And it is INSANE.

I have to say, internet, that it honestly is one of the most rewarding things EVER to have a baby and to be someone’s parent but it is also terrifying. I have never felt so truly inept* at anything as I did the first few weeks of Baby

sleep

sleep (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

L’s life. And I don’t say this to scare all of you preggos or to discourage those of you who aren’t yet on this path, I just mean to say that it is WORK. Granted, I would trade this work for any other work I have ever done in my life. Because even though I haven’t slept in my bed on a regular basis in five weeks, it was worth it the first time that little girl smiled at me. (Which may or may not have been because she was trying to poop, but you take what you can get at this age, because she is basically a meatloaf. A really, really adorable meatloaf.)

I knew that the sleep deprivation was going to be hard. And I honestly thought that, given the fact that I hadn’t slept well for several months anyway, (you know, because a ginormous belly does nothing for sleeping comfortably) I could rock the hell out of not sleeping. Because, I was in my twenties once.  (Hard to believe, but it is totally true.) I never expected, however, that my child would not sleep in or on ANY contraption that I purchased for sleeping. Because MY kid was going to sleep through the night right after birth. And she would do it anywhere that I put her, but she would MOST DEFINITELY love her bassinet.

FAIL.

Baby L likes to sleep one of two places: on my chest or in her swing. Period.

This makes sleeping in my bedroom impossible because I can’t sleep with her in the bed (believe in co-sleeping or not, when you are desperate, you are desperate) because MB is a giant and sleeps like he is even BIGGER than he is and is terrified that he will kill her and I can’t move the swing into the bedroom because it is huge and cumbersome and I need it to be accessible if and when I try to do things in other parts of the house. So, internet, I have moved into the living room. (Which, by the way, has recently become infested with spiders of all varieties, and I am totally phobic.This was remedied last week, but HOLY CRAP.) I sleep the first half of the night with Baby L in the swing, swaddled and comfy and after her feeding, she is changed, un-swaddled and sleeps on my chest.  I have to say, even though it means that I barely sleep at all, I rather like the cuddling. Because she is teeny and warm and adorable. And I grew her. So, there’s that…

During the first week, Baby L did not sleep at night at all. Evidently, she was confused about what to do when it gets dark outside and mommy is crying hysterically because she hasn’t slept in four days. Luckily, MB’s mom spent a few days with us after it became obvious that I might never sleep again and, since she works nights and was on vacation, she was able to hang out with the nugget while the parents actually slept. Together. In the same room. It has gotten gradually better and now she is sleeping, sometimes, up to five hours at a time after her bath and last bottle. Which makes mommy very, VERY happy. And if I weren’t so exhausted, I might even do a cartwheel or two about it.

MB has, however, been a huge help when he is home on the weekends and has even let me have the day shift while he sleeps on the couch at night so that I don’t get all delirious and start streaking through our neighborhood or something equally ridiculous. And the crazy thing about sleeping in my bedroom? I feel guilty about not sleeping in the same room with my kid. GUILTY! Can you believe that? (If you are a new mom, you probably can and don’t think I am insane. Evidently, this is a thing.)

Either way, things are getting better, and sleep is becoming something that I do sometimes. Which I enjoy.  And I have a bunch of amazing friends who have either come by to help me get some random things done around the house or have at least been there to answer their phones when I call them and freak out about the fact that the baby has just spit up into my cleavage and it was more spit up than I remember ever having happened before and OH MY GOD is that OKAY? Is my baby sick? Should I call the doctor on call? (Which, mind you, I have done on THREE, count ’em THREE occasions since we brought her home.Yep. I am a spazz. And I’m okay with that, internet. I don’t know how to work a baby! Give me a break!)

I should really get back to my kid now. But I wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you ladies (and gent!) who have commented here, tweeted, emailed or come by to help, say congrats, or whatever. You guys rock my face off! (Special thanks to Kathryn for the cute goodies that I use daily because I MUCH prefer the adorable burp cloths to the gross white ones! I’m a burp cloth stuff elitist now, see what you’ve done?)

Okay, now which one of you is NEXT?!

*Except Math. I am super inept at Math.

Also, you guys should go here and buy some cute baby stuff! Expansion is coming soon, I hear!

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Once Upon a Time (The Finale…Wherein I Finally Had a Baby!)

(I’ll have you guys know that I have attempted to write this a total of four times in the last few days and that once it was finally almost finished, I somehow deleted ALL OF THE TEXT…so…there you have it.)

So, when they finally had me start pushing again, it was about 6 in the morning, right before shift change. The night nurse, who had mistakenly mentioned that, once I was dilated enough, they could use a vacuum contraption to assist with getting the baby out, was now leaving and the nurse who admitted me 20 hours before, Shirley, was coming back on. Shirley was an older lady that I rather liked, except for the fact that sometimes when I would tell her things that were happening, she would either seem not to hear me or she would act as though I was making it all up. (Like, when I told her the pitocin made me puke all night, she gave me a weird look, almost rolling her eyes and said something along the lines of, “That’s weird, I’ve never heard of that happening before. Which, by the way, is interesting to me considering that even I had heard that before and I am, by no means, a labor and delivery nurse. Anyway…) When she came into my room to take over the “pushing assistance”, four or five other random people came in behind her. When I was pregnant, one of the things that I was totally against was having more people than necessary in the room during my labor and delivery. The thought of random strangers staring at my vagina (and under crazy bright lights, no less) was super disturbing for me. (I was aware that there would be a COUPLE of people there, as it would be their job to stare at my vagina, but I really didn’t think that there needed to be any extras, you know, like med students or anyone like that.) So, you can imagine how appalled I was when Shirley’s randoms came filing in and readied themselves in the vagina-viewing spot in my room.

I didn’t pay them much attention at first, because at that point, nothing mattered more than the whole thing being over. But then, some of the randoms, along with Shirley, actually started cheering me on. Like my own private random cheerleader ladies. And I was RIGHT THERE. It was about to happen and all I could think about was punching every last one of them in their stupid faces. So, I turned to Shirley and said, very seriously, “I need you all to STOP TALKING TO ME.” Shirley calmly asked the randoms to STOP TALKING but then continued to say things like, “You can do it! Push! PUSH!!!” and then I ripped the needle out of my arm and stabbed her in the temple. Okay. That didn’t happen. But it could have. This was not a joke.

I pushed for about 30 minutes before I asked the doctor for the vacuum contraption. Baby L was having trouble getting past my pelvic bone and, even though I couldn’t feel a lot of the pain because of the numbness in my lower half, I was still having a really hard time using my body as a tool to expel her and the pressure was becoming more than I could take. The doctor explained to me that we could attempt the vacuum, but that I would still have to push like hell and that if it didn’t work, I would have to have a C-Section. And I started to cry. And I said, “Do it.”

Two pushes later, and Baby L was lying on my chest and all of the punchiness had disappeared. Tears were rolling down MB’s face and I was so totally in shock that it was all over, I almost couldn’t even react. But then I looked at her. She was silent and her eyes were wide and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. If you have ever had a baby, you know that it is impossible to put into words what that first moment is like. Because there is nothing like it in the world. You’ve made a perfect little person and you just met her…and you love her more than you ever thought you could love anything or anyone. And that moment was so emotional but so short and then they took her away to take her vitals and whatnot and I was awestruck. I felt high and cloudy and almost like I was out of my own body. And then the doctor reminded me that my work was not done and that I still had to deliver the placenta. This was nothing. In fact, I don’t think I felt anything at all and when she told me that it was out, I turned to her and said, “You can just throw that away, I’m not gonna eat it.” And then everyone had a good chuckle and seemed to forget what a heinous bitch I had been just a few minutes earlier. I guess they deal with that a lot. As I was told later, the randoms were surgical staff who were called in because no one thought I would be able to deliver vaginally and they were preparing to take me to the OR. I sure dodged that bullet.

 

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Baby L was born on May 19th at 7:22 am. She was 6 pounds 14 ounces and she was 19.25 inches long.

When I look back now, I can barely remember a time when I didn’t have her. I can’t imagine a world where I wasn’t so overcome with love and I can’t remember a time when I slept more than 4 hours at a time. The pregnancy that seemed as though it lasted an eternity, seems like it was just a spot in my memory (I’m sure that it wouldn’t feel that way if I went back and read this blog!) and my life before seems so trivial. And I can safely say, even after all of the resistance I had towards becoming a mom, I am the happiest I have ever been. I feel renewed and purposeful and elated that I have been given a WHOLE PERSON to love and to love me…FOREVER…

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Once Upon a Time…(A Totally Incoherent Birth Story with a Lot of Parenthetical Statements…) Part One…

…I was able to write a blog post because I didn’t have a baby. I know, it seems unrealistic to think that I might have 4.5 seconds to check in with my bloggy peeps. Bear with me, I’m working on it!

So, I am here. But I must warn you, Baby L likes to be held. Like, all the time, and I am currently typing and therefore NOT HOLDING HER (gasp!) so this might get cut short.

I wanted to share my birth story with you before it became old news, but alas, with all the visitors (oh, so MANY VISITORS) and hours of cuddling and shushing my new spawn, I am a little slow getting to it. So, I’ll try my best (taking into consideration the many, many sleepless nights recently and my inability to form a complete thought) to tell you ladies and gents how it went down!

So, as you know, I was pretty anxious to get that little nugget started on “life on the outside” because I was tired of being tired and spontaneously vomiting and waddling around the house like a giant penguin and I was beginning to think that she was, despite all the spicy food and the yoga poses that no pregnant woman should even attempt and the everything else I could think of that might induce labor, never going to come. Of course, because I am nothing if not on a schedule (and when I say on a schedule, I mean that I always stress about being on time and doing things when they should be done, but am often a little late anyway and then I beat myself up about it even though the reason for my tardiness is usually just slack-assiness) and it wouldn’t have been right if my daughter didn’t inherit this trait from me. So, just like clockwork, I rolled over in my bed on my due date, May 18th, and felt a gush. Yes, my water broke first thing in the morning, on my due date. (Remember? Intentions of being on time…)

Because I wasn’t in any pain, I really also wasn’t in any hurry to get to the hospital, because, lets face it, internet, labor is long and painful, and why would I want to rush into THAT when I could take a nice, hot shower and maybe do a load of laundry? Okay, I didn’t do laundry. But I could have. And I did do some dishes while I was waiting for MB to get home from work and take me to the place where they pull that alien out of your pelvis. But anyway, my mom came over within minutes of my phone call to tell her that I believed it was “time” and she immediately started trying to make me eat food. Because if you know my mom, you know that this is what she does. And in such an exciting time, who wouldn’t be hungry? Right?! Shockingly, when you feel like you are peeing an ocean into a giant maxi-pad and anticipating the most excrutiating pain of your life, you don’t really want a hard-boiled egg or strawberry yogurt. Go figure.

We got to the hospital about two hours after my water broke and I still wasn’t having any contractions. And I was okay with this, internet, because I really felt like I was gonna coast through this labor thing like no woman ever had before. I really believed that the lack of pain was a total indication of my impending EASY LABOR and DELIVERY. And then, once I was strapped to the bed and bound by an IV of pitocin (which I adamantly stated that I did NOT WANT, but was told that because my water had broken, I had no choice…) and my cervix was checked, the pain began. I wouldn’t even say that it was that terrible, but definitely not too much fun. Because when you go from just feeling like you’re constantly peeing on yourself to pretty bad menstrua-like cramps every six minutes, it is not only uncomfortable but sort of…well…terribly annoying. Things went on like this for about four hours. I contracted, I squeezed MB’s hand and whimpered until the shit stopped, and then I braced myself for the next one. When the contractions started getting more painful, I mentioned the epidural to my nurse and, since I was only about 2 centimeters dilated at that time, she thought it would be better to wait about an hour before calling the anesthesiologist. And I didn’t argue, because I was still coherent, my hair still looked decent and I wasn’t yet dehydrated or starving. But then the vomiting began. And when I buzzed the nurse to tell her that I was puking up the ice chips that I was using to keep my mouth from feeling like I was eating sandpaper, she immediately called the anesthesiologist. Literally, within five minutes of my first puketastic event, I was getting a needle stuck INTO MY BACK. (This is where the crying began. And not because epidurals hurt, because they don’t, those of you who are scared of them, but needles scare the bejesus out of me. And even though I never saw it, I KNEW WHAT THAT GUY WAS DOING BACK THERE…and I was terrified. But seriously, ladies, if you are scared of the needle, don’t be. You will propose to the anesthesiologist as soon as your feet start to tingle. Promise.)

And now…I have to say…

TO BE CONTINUED…The spawn is waking up and will be demanding nourishment momentarily. But, I’ll be back. I swear…

Just a quickie

No, no, no. Not that kind, y’all, I just had a baby, give me a break!

Baby L and I are still in the hospital. We were supposed to be discharged this morning but her bilirubin levels are slightly higher than they’d like and want to keep her under a phototherapy regiment until it gets down to a level they are comfortable with. So far, there’s nothing to be terribly concerned about, but obviously, MB and I are a wreck. If all goes well today and tonight, we should be discharged tomorrow. The alternative is that she could have to be transferred to another hospital in the area for more treatment but I wouldn’t be admitted. We are really, really, really hopeful this will not be the case (the thought of it makes me want to vomit/cry hysterically) and I ask that you keep us in your thoughts so we can take this little girl home ASAP! Thanks to everyone for the comments and tweets and Bloggie love!!! Hugs!!!

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After not having slept in 24 hours…

…this is really all I can give you for the time being…but I think it’s kind of a big deal!

Baby L was born this morning after many hours of ridiculousness, at 7:22 am. She weighs 6lbs, 14oz and was 19.25 inches long.

And here’s a picture of the loves o my life!

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Holy Shit, you guys!

Well…we’re off! Water broke about an hour and a half ago and we’re headed to the hospital now! Leave it to me to be one of the 5 % of women who labored ON their due date!

Still No Baby. (Insert a bunch of expletives here.)

Well, internet, my due date is two days away and here I sit…STILL pregnant. I haven’t been having any more significant signs that labor is near, besides feeling generally craptastic and large. But I DID see the doctor and have my “membrane stripped” on Monday. And yes, that is exactly as much fun as it sounds like it would be. The doctor said that I am 60% effaced and about 2 centimeters dilated, which was a little uplifting, because, lets face it, progress is progress. Right?

I have been searching the internet intently, trying to find all of the natural methods of inducing labor and have tried just about everything I can to get this baby OUT OF ME (and I am sure I was quite a site over the weekend in my mom’s pool, furiously kicking my legs while swimming and muttering, “GET OUT OF ME.”) . (I did not, however, try the “mustard seed/nipple method” suggested by Southern Fried’s mom. Mainly because I would have to a) go to the store to buy mustard seed and b) locate some sort of tape that isn’t duct tape.) Later today, I plan to eat jalapenos and pineapple while doing jumping jacks. And then I plan to seduce MB. Because there is nothing more irresistable than this giant belly, let me tell you. (He actually doesn’t seem to find me any less attractive with the baby dome, however, I find myself to be a heinous, gigantic beast.) I will not be trying the castor oil method because I am not a fan of being deathly ill. (Crazy, right?)

The doctor did tell me that, after my next appointment, next Tuesday, if I still don’t have a baby instead of a baby bump, we will talk about induction. And I really don’t want to have to get to that point. I just want this to happen. Like…you know…on its own terms…and…well…NOW-ISH.

So, that’s basically all I got. Still pregnant. Still suffering heartburn, backache, insomnia and general crankiness. And yes, friends, I know you want an excuse to blow off work, but I cannot MAKE Baby L join us, she is stubborn “like her mom” as you all keep saying. Grrrr…

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A First

I have this friend who sends me a Happy Mothers Day text message every year even though he knows that I don’t have any kids. I was never sure if he just didn’t pay attention to who he was sending out his mass texts to, or if he just did it…well…because he is a moron. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had sent it to MB too, actually. Anyway, this morning, I rolled over and before my eyes were even open, I heard my phone vibrate and then I heard MB whisper, “Happy Mother’s Day, baby. You’re the prettiest mommy ever.”  And then I melted into a heap of goo on my side of the bed. Because seriously, you guys, like, within days, I’m gonna be someone’s mommy. And not in that figurative way that happens when your friends call you mom at parties because you hold their hair when they puke. No. Like an actual mommy.

I’m planning to spend today just like I spent yesterday: floating in my own mommy’s pool and wishing I could have some sort of delicious alcoholic concoction to take the edge off all of this waiting and hoping that, by the end of my swim, I am in labor. (Just as an aside, though, can I just tell you how wonderful the water feels when you feel as though you are the size of a house? If you haven’t yet taken advantage of a swimming pool or other body of water, you should get on that. I felt like myself. Almost.) But I wanted to come by here and wish all of you mommies and soon-to-be mommies a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope that you all get to spend it doing something that makes you happy.

Kind of a Big Deal

I know many of my readers are pregnant ladies ad many of you are aware that I was terminated from my employment just two days after announcing my pregnancy. I urge you to PLEASE read! Pregnancy discrimation is alive and kicking. Help stop it!

womenslawproject's avatarCome Check out Our NEW Site!

“Tina,” who is pregnant and works as a health aide in a nursing home, is told by her doctor that she should not lift more than 35 pounds.  Her job description requires lifting 40 pounds regularly, but lighter duty jobs, such as answering the phone and working at the reception desk, are available.  Nevertheless, her employer stops scheduling her for shifts and tells her she must take unpaid Family Medical Leave, which would run out before the delivery of her baby and leave her without the income she needs to pay the 50% of her medical insurance her employer does not cover.  Left with no choice, Tina loses her job.

“Jessica,” who is pregnant and works as a pharmacist’s assistant, needs to sit down occasionally throughout her day.  Chairs are available for customers, but the pharmacy does not permit the staff to use them.  As a result, Jessica loses her…

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